Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Sexualising the Sea Cucumber

Aitutaki, Cook Islands is home to a primo tropical lagoon which prides itself on being listed on every last incantation of the list: "100 places to visit before you DIE!" Aitutaki's lagoon also boasts a massive concentration of that strange underwater vaccuum and legendarily phallic organism: the sea cucumber. or slug. or big fat underwater black cock, if you ask me.
The place is littered with them. They're plump and tumescent and they never say no. Plus look! They're peeing on me. Well it's not pee. It seems to be a defensive sort of serum - not a leak, these things are real shooters! - because when I picked em up, they sprayed full on serum. And I wasn't even squeezing!

I came to the conclusion that this mysterious 'hands off-me' sea cucumber brain juice serum is going to be the next thing in cosmetics "taking decades off your face!" anti-aging mass marketing.
Get this shiz BOTTLED, Mizz Clairol. I'll soon be forced into writing pithy, punchy, brainwash-worthy copy promoting its time-reversing antioxidant properties far sooner than I'd like!

And yeah, I also had to pose for the obligatory photo of me sexually assaulting the sea cucumber. Take that Mandingo! Yes, I'm sporting a massive 9x6" sea slug of a black cock that even squirts!
 But then I let the sea cucumbers go (they are terrible conversationalists) and paddled on.
Here's Bam, my reluctant photographer and co-conspirialist.
Through the waters of one of those exotic places you REALLY must explore... before you expire!



5 comments:

AFruitFli said...

The things you can find when you are searching for poppers - AFruitFli

Unknown said...

Well...I can perfectly understand...'loneliness' can be frustrating, it's no good to run the risk at becoming blind, a modern Robinson Crusoe !! Hugs to you Jesse, great pictures by the way

Tony said...

So, the secret is out, so to speak.
All this time that was a sea cucumber in your shorts?
What's left, now that you let it go???

samael7 said...

You probably don't want to know about the fish that live in Sea Cucumber asses.

No, wait, I bet you totally do.

Jesse Archer said...

Samael - YES, I totally wanted to see that. I don't even hold a candle to that perverted pearlfish!!