Saturday, October 08, 2011

Excercise Your RIGHT to Molest!

I don't even recognize myself as the fembot alien drag queen MayDay (Mayhem?) who exploded into the Glitter Ball rocking vintage Pucci! Who wants to blend in at an event called the Glitter Ball? My friend and fellow ex-pat friend Ben aka Heather Number One is a fabulous queen on the scene and promised not just to transform me, but to take me all the way to "Sydney-Level Drag". Ben took me under his wing at his place and hours four later,we emerged:

MayDay and Heather... forever!
Bam took that four hours as an opportunity to nap. How can you sleep through this? Heather had everything, from chicken cutlet breasts to spirit gum to smash my real eyebrows flat into my face. When we got to the Glitter Ball, they let us in for free! Why oh why did I pre-buy that $70 ticket!?

Heather is looking flawless as a young Liza (if there ever was such a thing!) I got the mohawk wig at Paddy's Market earlier in the day just before hitting Chinatown for our "last meal" - as you can't eat and drag. We loaded up on (now this is revolting) french fries, pork buns, emperor puffs  

At some point in the night, I wanted to be a boy again - not just because the heels were killing me and my balls were smashed. Drag is a responsibility. You're like an art installation that musn't fuck up while on display. You can't be a drag queen off your tits on the dancefloor! Well, I guess you can, but no thanks. And dressed up, I did get to enjoy certain other perks including but not limited to "The RIGHT to molest!" as Heather puts it.

Drag queens get away with most everything, and they're granted unwritten but understood permission to fondle any man in any way, at will. Not that I haven't been doing this for years, but in drag nobody is going to push me away!
My friend Lesley saw this picture on Facebook and asked which one I was? "The one with too much makeup" I told her and she still couldn't figure it out! Ok, "I'm the one with the fake tits!" When I finally put an end to her anguish, she said flatly that MayDay's lips were "overdone". A drag queen overdoing it? Now that is shocking!

There were many trips to the bathroom for re-touching. 

Trishy Dishy! 
We met this rock star, Trishy Dishy, who told us she was the "Party Queen of Sydney" and promptly levitated her breasts, "Just like I did for Joan Rivers when she was here!" We couldn't get enough of her, and soon discovered she was raised Jehovah's Witness, has 5 kids in their 20s, and is the subject of a reality show. I love to see people who survive religion become such transformative force. I'm a fan!

The party queen of Sydney was later bumped off stage during a routine co-starring a plume feather, as Kitty Glitter, Dallas Dellaforce and Decoda Secret stormed the stage for a knockout performance. The kind you can only find in Sydney, with back up dancers, mythology, choreography with Sinbad swords morphing into air guitars. It was ridiculous, it was hot, it was ridiculously hot and you had to be there!
Kitty Glitter

We headed home for touch-ups at dawn and then hit the after-party at Phoenix club. Girls on the go!
Heather's looking fresh at 7 am in the taxi to Phoenix!
This guy in green was cosying up, passing out on Heather like she was some kind of Madonna mother figure. And we later spoke to a fierce drag queen named Little X, who gave us the entire etymology of her drag name, whose origins ("foxy") began on government documents... ?

By this point, close to noon, we were ogling a hot shirtless man who looked like he just got coughed up at Bondi beach wearing only his 8-pack abs. He was being madly groped by a drag queen with legs like tree trunks and a face like Morgan Freeman. "See?" Heather nudges me, "She is exercising her RIGHT to molest!"

1 comment:

Tony said...

Hey Jesse -

That Queen MayDay is some fearsome babe.
If you're gonna mess with her, expect mayhem.
She's clearly trouble on the way, as if we didn't know that anyway...