Monday, September 26, 2011

Suicide Rollercoaster!

A mile high. 7 loopty loops. 10 G-Force. Guaranteed death! I'm obsessed with the euthanasia coaster.

Who needs death with dignity, when you can have death with...euphoria? That's just what happens when the blood flows out of your brain for too long: you get silly, then you die of cerebral hypoxia. But first, euphoria. What a way to top an action-packed life! 

The coaster is hypothetical and remains a scale model that won't be built until "the politics of technology become more democratic" but read all about it - and tell me it shouldn't be an option?

One day, choosing when and how to end your own life/pain will not be criminal, and the future will be filled with euthanasia. I find that life-affirming.
I definitely want to take the rollercoaster. Loved ones there to bid you farewell. The slow 3-minute ride to the peak, as you contemplate life. A 223mph descent, screaming as you whip at 10 G-force, mouth agape, and - flash! - that was the coaster taking your photo. You laugh imagining pulling an emergency handbrake because, honey, you're seconds from dead but still vain enough not to want your final photo to be in the freaky throes of cerebral hypoxia on the roller coaster. That look cannot be pretty!

But you don't really care. You're euphoric. 
At the end of the ride you arrive, a quickly cooling cadaver, as a technician unloads you into a silver cylinder. This technician, now imagined on this blog, will be the anti-hero of a dystopian sci-fi novel and later, a blockbuster screenplay.

He unloads your body into a silver cylinder because you have ordered (it's all decidedly dignified) the works and will become the main ingredient in a solution also involving lye, 300 degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure. In 2011, dissolving in this way was done only infrequently to dispose of animal parts and human bodies donated to science. But now, in the space-conscious, ethically aware future, going out as the brown goo alkaline hydrolisis is all the rage.

If all the action on your final day is at all reflective of your life, there will be much cause for celebration. Your friends have planned a massive party in your honor. And they have promised to toast you...with you.

1 comment:

thegayte-keeper said...

I think I would watch from the ground...thanks!