Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Binge Drinking for Betty Ford

I'm a prissy boss? Yup! After a glowing review in Variety and universal praise for its truth-telling and talented leads Matthew Ludwinski, Allison Lane, Casper Andreas and Michael Medico, Going Down in La La Land had its sold out premiere at Outfest last weekend. I hope you see it! And if you don't recognize me in this film - it's because I'm wearing clothes!

Before the curtain rose on Going Down in La La Land's premiere, I was Going Down, Down Under! I woke up in an unfamiliar bed beside a lump of blankets, with all my clothes on, although the shirt I'm wearing is not mine.  But the first thing I think is: At least I have all my clothes on!  Then I recognize my girlfriend Yvie's apartment. I thank the lump in bed for her hospitality. She says no worries. 

The day before, Bam and I went to breakfast. After I order a coffee, Bam orders a glass of Chardonnay. "Betty Ford just died," he says, looking up from his ipad. I say, "From an overdose of painkillers?" and then scratch the coffee and order a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Thus begins the morning that leads to the day that heralds the night we spend binge drinking for Betty Ford.

Funny that a lot of people in Australia don't even know America's most famous pill-popping boozer. Or that when you wake up at my age in unfamiliar surroundings in strange clothing with little recall, you are shipped off to the Betty Ford Clinic for addiction. Heck, I didn't even know the former first lady was still alive - in the same way people are shocked to learn (usually from me) that Doris Day and Esther Williams and Olivia de Havilland are, in fact, still alive (I'll drink to them another day, Scarlett).

After breakfast, the day moved on to boxed wine "chateau du cardboard", and was met with several friends along the way...culminating in an XL taxi to Newtown and the legendary drag show at the Imperial Hotel.  Multiple cartwheels later (on the stage runway, of course) everyone else heads for home but Yvie is not done. She's still hanging!  Yvie is a trooper, she'll keep up!  And we're starving.

We go to get a kebab and walking down King Street a complete stranger stops me to ask about my t-shirt.  It's a pec-hugging "I heart Puxi" tee and I say "Puxi is the Times Square of Shanghai!" He loves the idea of Times Square in Shanghai and I decide he simply must own the shirt. He agrees and we swap shirts - strip right there on King Street and sayonara, Puxi. This explains the baggy butch sporting shirt, the one I woke up in; the first one of its kind in my closet. Do not drink and trade.

Yvie and I finally sit down for kebabs and I only realize Yvie is drunker than I am when she ducks under our table to vomit up a half-eaten kebab. "I didn't have time to make the toilet," she declares when she reappears from underneath. I shift our table slightly to semi-cover the spill and non chalantly finish my food.  The next day, as I'm cursing Betty Ford, Yvie calls to say: "I found the other half of the kebab in my handbag."  Hey, at least she didn't find the puke!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jesse,

You say that many Australians don't know who Betty Ford was. More pathetic, is the fact that many Americans don't know who Gerald Ford was.

Your Friend Jimmy