Thursday, April 21, 2011

Adventures in the Pacific Northwest

My parents have started an herb garden and my mom told me there is a difference between compost and mulch.  I may have been off the farm too long because I thought they were the same thing.  On further pressing, mom confesses mulch can be made of compost and that compost can also be used as mulch (??)  I saw she chose hay as mulch to insulate her herbs, but then she informed me it wasn't hay, it was straw - as hay would sprout and you can't have that.  So now there's a difference between hay and straw?  I need a cocktail!! 

My crazy cousin Karen (and self-proclaimed "butch hetero") took me to the airstrip to practice flying the kite which the kite surfers use on the Gorge.  She said before you add the surfing part, you need to learn to fly the kite without looking at it.  You practice doing figure 8's from 9 to 12 o'clock in the sky. 

I wasn't as successful as Karen.  My kite spent more time in Monte Pearson's field of organic Echinacea than it did in the sky.  

Cousin Karen is always a blast and I'm so glad I got to see her.  She is perhaps better known on here for our caving adventures, and that notorious cemetery episode where my grandpa tried to drag us to hell.  She also recently stopped dating a man who was much older than her.  So old, in fact, that when she started losing interest in him, she began hiding his Viagra and he just thought he misplaced it.

The next day we trekked to Mt. Hood for some amazing skiing.  There were 3 inches of new snow, and we basically had the mountain to ourselves!  Karen was on the ski patrol back in the 80's so she knows the mountain and took me down the steepest slopes even though I haven't been skiing in years and was never very good to begin with.

Karen fearlessly swishes down black diamond runs with names like Elevator Shaft and Powder Keg and the most important thing for me, besides downing some liquid courage at the mid-mountain chalet, is trying to get to the base of the run before Karen has time to whip out her iphone and take a blackmail video of me.  I just aim down the mountain without poise or form.   

"At least you go for it," she tells me.  Which is probably good advice in life as in skiing: going for it.

Also on her iphone, on the ski lift, Karen played this country song called "All the reasons I'm glad I'm not queer".  This guy sings on about how he hates potpourri, won't wear pastels, is proud of his Texan twang and doesn't let anything near his ass.  It is hysterical.  And got me thinking about all the reasons I'm glad I am queer - let's see, first off I don't listen to Stairway to Heaven.  I hate furry steering wheels and finding Cheerios (mulching?) in between my couch cushions.  Also, nobody is hiding my Viagra. 

I should pick up songwriting!

Me with this machine and Mt. Hood in the back. 
Karen showed me this rig which can pick up a whole truckload of logs.  She could probably hotwire it.


SaintSinner said...

Hey, gorgeous,

Only JUST NOW noticed the "Todd and Terry" underwear ad. I've got to get me summa dat! Imagine, having underwear with my name already stitched on it....It's like a dream come true....

Of course, my bf may wonder, "Who is this Terry person and why is his name on my man's briefs..."

Oh well, I'll burn that bridge when I get to it, as I always say!


SaintSinner said...

But seriously, your family sounds perfectly adorable (especially cousin Karen!). Looks like you had a great time!

Jesse said...

always a great time with cousin Karen. The Todd & Terry's are fabulous, we wore them in my last two films.
I'm sure if your BF doesn't approve, you can simply take them off!! XOXO