Sunday, February 06, 2011

The winner takes the TURD!

I seriously wondered if it the ABBA-turd would be in the ABBAworld museum exhibit.  And it wasn't.  This curator sucks!
I was taken to the museum by a few new Aussie friends Marc and Michael and Yvie who are serious fanatics. They registered as ABBA "experts" and still scored 100% on the ABBA quiz at the ABBA exhibit!  It was overwhelming for me, who likes the group (and most especially their story-songs -"the day before you came" "thank you for the music"- hello!!)  but I don't know their manager's name, the details of their Eurovision win in 1974, or the layout and furniture placement of their Swedish office.  Nevertheless...

We got to rock out to to ABBA on singstar: 
Be on their Waterloo album cover: 
 Cup Agnetha's breasts...
 Yes, I like ABBA enough to cup their breasts...
 ....but my like is tempered with a distaste, along with discerning theatregoers, for the worldwide smash musical based on their music - "Mamma Mia" which jumped onto the storybook musical meme, free of any discernable story (ahem).  Though it was boisterous, I'll give it that! 

I learned so much at ABBAworld.  For example, I had no idea that the two couples - Bjorn and Agnetha & Benny and Frida were once married!
Or that after they divorced, Bjorn took up with a new lover and then wrote the song "The Winner Takes it All" with the lyrics: "Tell me does she kiss...the way I used to kiss you?" about how ex-wife Agnetha must be feeling, and then...made her sing it!!  Yeah!  The nerve!

Agnetha rose to the occasion and sang about her ex-husbands new lover winning him, taking it all (all of the manky, shaggy 70's-ness, I guess) and...it was a HIT!  Probably because with that kind of a prize the winner can just keep it!  But with this backstory, doesn't the song pack much more of a whallop?

Agnetha was put through the emotional ringer!  All that - and then the poor girl must now endure fans not only groping her breasts indiscriminately, but collecting stool samples!  Agnetha cannot get a break!  You remember in the movie Priscilla: Queen of the Desert, Guy Pearce's "Felicia" once caught blonde Agnetha rushing out of a bathroom stall.  He stole in to discover...she had left a memento in the toilet and he scooped it up as a collectors item?    Remember his prized possession?  Who can forget the ABBA turd?!

I once toured the Casa Casuarina in Miami (the old Versace mansion is now a boutique hotel - please you are not to mention it's a murder site, too) and inspected the Madonna suite and the toilet where, yes, Madonna took her tinkles -wait, this post is all gonna coalesce, I swear.

Priscilla --the musical is coming to Broadway (hooray!) I saw it when it began here in Sydney years ago.  They had changed the ABBA references from the film into Kylie references for stage because ABBA didn't want competition with "Mamma Mia".  But now I hear on its long journey to Broadway, Kylie has been scrapped in favor of Madonna!! Yes,  theatre tourists are so daft they don't know who Kylie is!  So I'm left to suppose Nick Adams as Felicia (he is so going to rock this role!) will tell the nightly tale of how he fished out a Madonna (as passed through ABBA and Kylie) turd?  That is one superstar shit!

And speaking of swimmers (!) the Powerhouse Museum is right near Ian Thorpe's Aquatic Center.  Ian "the Thorpedo" is Australia's top swimmer (and Olympian) of all time.  At a press conference just this Wednesday, Thorpe announced his return from retirement - and plan to compete in the 2012 Olympics.  Ian Thorpe has long been rumored gay, even more so after his memorable denials which go something like: Just because I wear pearls, like fashion labels, and listen to Kylie Minogue doesn't mean I'm gay! 

Of course he's not gay - not if he wants to be a story-free, corporately sponsored world-wide smash!

My new friends lament, "He could still Ricky Martin-it" (and yes, Ricky Martin is now a verb).  Not that I was completely sold he was really going to Ricky Martin-it, or needed to.  Gay rumors seemed baseless after post retirement photos (at what? 26?) surfaced with him less Thorpedo and more Walrusman.  He got a ton of credibility because Krispy Kremes do not pair naturally with Kylie, fashion, and/or pearls! 

When I tell my new friends Thorpe may not be gay because he got fat, they have it figured out:  "After he quit swimming, he started feeding on his feelings.  You know, it's the same as Agnetha. She fed on her feelings.  You'll notice she was pretty chunky in the Winner Takes It All video".

The moral here?

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

2 comments:

ABBA Fan said...

It doesn't happen often but I actually had a smile while reading this post and watching the pictures.

I really enjoyed reading it. Can't wait for more.

Jesse Archer said...

Thank you for stopping by, ABBA FAN!! XO