Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Gumdrop will now take your order

A buddy in Dallas sent me this gem of a text: "I'm in Shreveport and the black girl helping me at Arbys is named Gumdrop.  Her name was Gumdrop!  That is just killing me, and you know it's on her birth certificate. Which gets me thinking -- what is wrong with white people that they can't stop naming their children the same old boring Matthew, Mark, Luke, John?  All from the bible.  Even my name, Jesse, is from the bible.  Jesse was some old dude who's son became a king.  No wonder my parents wanted me to have kids!

But seriously, blacks get so creative with the names and we may laugh at a Gumdrop (or when I was in Africa there were ladies named "Sweetness" and "Blessing" - but they're original!  There is no stopping Gumdrop from sparkling through life in all sorts of sugar coated fun colors!  No need to tone down her creative birthright, but what a struggle to try and sparkle with a name like Michael (Don't tell that to my boyfriend).

Back in high school, I threatened my parents that if I had a kid I'd name it "Celery".  How I loved the flow of that word!  Take out the context and celery is a damn beautiful word.  Celery soothes you.  like a rocking chair, or a sailboat rolling gently over a calm sea.  I have enemy words, too.  My least favorite being "moist", "pupa" and the truly vile, sick, abhorrent "ointment".  Just say it: "ointment".  Shivers!

But then there's a word that is just so full of arrogance and self-absorption, I seriously want to slap it: "Sumptuous". Don't you just want to kick some sumptuous ass?? I should have known I'd be a writer because I've always been obsessed with words, and Shakespeare, I'm sorry.  I can't believe that a rose called ointment would smell as sweet!


jukejointboy said...

My daughter will be Coriander. Haven't found anyone to agree with me yet, though.

Tony said...

Talk about imaginative names.
While in college I was a gofer one summer at a small law firm in Asheville, NC. Frequently I would be sent down to the county courthouse to look stuff up. I happened to be looking through the birth certificate records one time and saw that a child born in the 1940's had been named "Oleomargery Jones."
Don't believe it? I can take you to the Buncombe County Court House and show you.

Jesse Archer said...

I'm sure Coriander will be proud and I just googled Oleomargery. Apparently she was a nail machine patented in 1871. :)

Bob Frank said...

The little girl next door to me, who is white, is named "Liberty Phoenix". And didn't Pete Wenz name his son "Bronx"? I think there are at least a few white people who think outside the box.

Not Pie said...

It's actually Bronx Mowgli Wentz! And still one of my favorite celebrity baby names.

And let us not forget Miss Bandit Lee Way, daughter of Gerard Way (MCR) and Lyn-Z Ballatto (MSI).