Sunday, May 23, 2010

....And the City!

What a world, what a world!  The other day I won an internet contest (thank you Towleroad.com and ModernTonic.com!!) for tickets to the premiere of Sex and the City 2 at Radio City, plus a night at the new ACE hotel!

My first thought was: Radio City is gonna be a MOB SCENE.  But my cousin Lyssa in Oregon is a SATC junkie who said, "Take me!" I said, "Get out here!" Guess who got out here?  I'm really happy I won because this is a big deal for her.  She's getting her face done and her hair did for the big night...

I'm also in the film, probably in a few spots.  I guess I can let go some details from shooting.  Like how Sarah Jessica Parker (do you wonder what they call her in person?  Like, does anyone actually call her Sarah-Jessica?  They call her "SJ") Old SJ was the only one of em who wore her super high heels to set.  The rest of them tromped in wearing UGG(ly) boots.  Samantha especially sat there until just before action when a handler gingerly removed her Uggs and replace them with some chic shoe.

And Liza Minnelli?  Poor girl is in such pain!  I'm sure she looks amazballs on screen but it took 3 days and 300 takes to get it though all the while girl is so needy for the love of her audience and fans that you can't help but pull for her....in between cigarette breaks and rides on the back of a golf cart to her dressing room.  She also sang everyone a sweet Gershwin tune before she left, "Every time we say goodbye" (Wait, is it Gershwin?)  More behind the scenes later...

After my big prize win (I never win anything, wow!) I was awoken at 4am to screams and scuffles and look out my window to see this guy getting the SH%(#@T beat out of him.  I'm on the phone to 911 screaming, "Should I throw something at them?!" and I look to what I can grab and all I see is this hideous glass purse that all my friends use as an ashtray.

By the time I'm clutching said glass blown purse and ready to hurl it at the assailants below, the victim somehow (in a fit of adrenaline) leaps up and runs off.  He doesn't make it very far and plops (dead?  Seriously concussed?) in the street a few houses down.  The cops do arrest one guy and how am I supposed to sleep after that?  I can't imagine hurting someone physically, not just why do they do it....but HOW do they do it?

My cousin is welcomed the next day to my not-well rested face as she steps over splattered human blood at my doorway.  Today we went downtown to Battery Park and on the way checked out the cemetery next to Trinity Church.  For the record, if you're gonna get a headstone don't get the dark brown stone...it looks better, but it doesn't keep!  When I'm reading, "Who shalt forever be reminded of..." I really want to finished reading!

Best preserved stone (as with skin) is black.  Alexander Hamilton's crypt is white.  It reads, in part, "His talents and virtues will be celebrated long after this marble has mouldered into dust."  Yes, his talents and virtues will be celebrated and marveled at but honey...so will his asinine human stupidity!  One of the great minds of this nation died at 47 years old in a DUEL.

As my friend Jimmy tells me, Hamilton's eldest son died in a duel years previous and Hamilton himself was instrumental in outlawing dueling in New York---which is the reason his ill-advised duel took place in New Jersey!  Will we ever learn?  Alexander Hamilton: Girlfriend, you prove that no matter the intellectual capacity of a human we all seem to be governed by base emotion.  Thank HEAVEN you died with your honor (cough). 

Saturday we went on a fun scavenger hunt around the city for the launching of gay social networking site FABULIS.com.  We were split up into teams and took photos performing all sorts of randomness.  The team that won (we lost!) had a car and driver (unsportsmanlike conduct, IMHO). My favorite moment was laying down in Washington Square Park with Anita (dressed as Madonna) doing the caterpillar over my terrified body...oh, and posing atop of the bull statue downtown with (inexplicably) an Indian girl not more than 4 years old.
Harvey Milk day does not suck!  Do we?
Our team next decided to go to Coney Island for some major points with the Ferris Wheel down there, but suddenly the F train stopped and we were in East Brooklyn???  The MTA agents, proving they (and their service) have disassociative identity disorder, simply said (without apology) "The F train is acting as the A train this weekend."  Tell it to Bellvue, freak!

My weekend wraps today with a...wait for it...baby shower!  You see, there is normalcy in this city.  Or is there?  When shopping for the baby shower with my friends at "Babys R Us" -- we are looking over Louisa's registry and I hear a voice on the left: "Are the penis flavored pacifiers on there?" and a petulant voice on my right respond, "Hey, I want one of those!"

3 comments:

Tony said...

Hey Jesse -

You live in the greatest city, for sure.

Anonymous said...

Jesse, the song "Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye (I Die a Little)" is by Cole Porter (1944) a sad and beautiful song all in one;please hurry up and write up your premiere experience at "S.+tCII"- am holding my breath.

Jesse Archer said...

Thanks for schooling me. My apologies to the talented Mr. Porter!