Friday, March 19, 2010

Urban Juror

Oh me oh my.  I postponed like three times, but headed in for Jury Duty because I couldn't postpone anymore.  Sadly, my civic duty was at the federal courthouse.  They have this rule where they take your phone!!  No electronics at all.  So there we are in the federal courthouse feeling VERY naked.

All the while my friend Travis has jury duty in a nearby municipal courthouse where they get to have not only phones, but laptops with free WIFI!!!  While I am passed out on some carpet (I feel itchy!!) Travis is wandering the jury holding pen with his iphone open to the GRINDR application using geo- locate to find a hook up in the courtroom (He's 30 feet away.  He's 3 feet away.  He's inside of me!!)

Thankfully, we got out at the same time for lunch and found a dive bar on Nassau street which is also a BIKINI bar.  The waitresses are wearing hardly anything ("no photos allowed") and we made friends with bikini-clad bartendress CARLA. Turns out, Travis was selected for a trial and he'll be there two weeks.  More Carla!!

Today in federal court they started narrowing a 12 person jury down from a field of probably a hundred people.  You wouldn't BELIEVE the reasons people come up with for trying to get out of jury duty!!  It was a total gripe fest. "M'am, may I approach the bench?" they go up to whine and wheeze and snivel out some sob story. 

It sure was a melting pot in that jury room.  All sorts of trade....I've never seen such a compilation of people.  Many of them couldn't speak English even though they've been in the country twenty years.  Every last kind of person was there and to prove it, in just a few days a NYC courtroom will be graced with the presence of the most famous transsexual in the world, Amanda Lepore!!  Look what my friend Danny found floating around the twitter-sphere: 
How much do you love that? 

So long story short, I got selected to be a juror for a criminal case in federal court.  There goes the next two weeks of my life!!   At least Travis will be around, and Carla. 

I really wish I could have served with Amanda Lepore.  Look out, she's all ready for the Bikini Bar. 
How amazing would it be to deliberate with her?


Auntie M said...

I was once kicked out of consideration because I told them I didn't believe that policemen were more likely to be more truthful than average citizens. I had experience to prove otherwise. It was obviously going to be a case of the defendant's word against the cop's, and even though I formed the impression just from looking at the defendant that he was a big, fat, dumb, ugly wife beater who should get what he deserved for violating the restraining order against him, I really didn't want to be on the jury. Wrong of me to judge by appearances, of course, but it was a long commute.

tony said...

Hey Jesse -

"Good on ya" for doing your civic duty. It's no fun, but necessary.
A number of years ago I served on a jury for a particularly grisly murder case. It was gross. Hope your case isn't that bad. Good luck.