Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Marines want ME!!

It's been a funny week.  I get a flyer in the mail from the MARINE CORPS.  As in Be All That You Can Be!  They want ME!  How desperate has our Armed Forces become that they're recruiting me?  I guess I could use three square meals a day and a paycheck?  And who knows---I'm sure they'll need a whole new pink platoon when we invade Yemen to frisk muslim males for explosive powder in their panties.

What seals the deal for me, and for thousands like me, is that if I complete and return this card today (offer expires 03/31/10) I will be sent more information along with FREE dog tags, duffle bag, or a skullcap!  They were kind enough to include another card, that says "See If A Friend Will Join You."

Can you see it now?  The enticing flyer is fronted with a photo of a Marine and the caption "From the top of the rappeling tower at recruit training, you can see for miles." which is presumably meant to capture my imagination, which is what the Marine Corps is known for.

Next I'm walking up Fifth Avenue, when I see a large crowd rallying outside of Bergdorf-Goodman.  They're animal activists, and they've got bloody signs of animals being skinned alive and tortured and they are chanting, "Stop the Insanity,  no blood for Vanity!" Which is pretty catchy I must admit.  I go up to root them on and just as I do, it occurs to me that the winter hat I'm wearing is made with rabbit fur.


But back to my mailbox, which is where all the excitement is going on these days.  I was excited to receive an anonymous package which did not tick.  I opened it to find it contained the gift of a half Police Officer,  half glittering Merman ceramic ornament.  His name is Officer "Pike" which is both a species of fish and a Pilates position.  Either way, he is definitely sparkling!

Do you love the arm position?  Please don't miss the double-belt feature, which helps keep your fins from slipping and is trending among only the most slim and fashionable of law enforcement offishers.  Do you think Offisher Pike is the one attempting to recruit me to rappel with the Marine Corps?

I include this close-up to show the detail work on the eyebrows. 

I think I understand what this Officer references. Very clever!  I love this gift and shall treasure it forever.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!


youyong said...

Physically, you could be a marine, and probably a pretty good one. However, nothing else about the military could possibly match your personality, philosophy of life, or your personal ethic.


The Blackout Blog said...

Laughed out loud at this post!