Thursday, January 14, 2010

Food!! Fabulous FOOD!!

I'm eating again after 10 days of ridiculous starvation on the Beyonce Master Cleanse fast.  If I never see a lemon again...!!!!  Clearly I'll never be Buddhist.

The master cleanse was an amazing test of willpower, but then again so is not punching the TV each time I turn it on.  I lost 8 pounds I probably didn't need to lose: 156 down to 148.  I promise to gain it right back.  The biggest benefit from the Beyonce cleanse?  All the money saved on food and alcohol!

I do not miss hangovers, but back in my drinking days I slept better than I have been without eating.  This morning I woke up at 2am and couldn't go back to sleep.  2 AM!  My brain knew today was the day I was finally gonna break-my-fast, and it just wouldn't quit!  So I get up, wander around the house, read some, fiddle on Facebook, and since I'm not sleeping I decide to go to the gym.  By now it's nearly 6 am, and on my way I decide to text Cooldan who has ALSO been fasting with me.

I text that he must call right when he wakes up so we can share together the novelty of EATING again.  Just after I send the text, Dan calls me...he's wide awake for the same reason.  We're about to be born again feeders!

We decide to meet up after I get done with the gym.  I don't expect anyone to be there because the sun is hardly up.  I've only seen this hour of the day from the other way around!  But the locker room is a-buzz.  Men are dressing, in starched button-down shirts and collars.  One man has lined out all his toiletries, another is expertly putting in cufflinks.  WALL STREET!  They're talking about a seminar.  

I'm definitely the odd man out.  I feel like I'm one of the ghosts in a Dicken's novel being shown how my life might have, or maybe should have turned out.  A seminar!?  I get an awful vision of some lecturer drumming into your head what you're supposed to learn, and how you're supposed to deal with scenario A or scenario B, and completely unaware there could be a scenario C.

It reminds me of school and it's not that I didn't like or excel at school, but the concept of education in this country has become corrupted by teaching for the test, fixing numbers to make the district look good, systematically stripping students of individuality; no child left behind!  They put a moratorium on my imagination after the 9th grade.  I remember the exact year, because it was Mrs. Chiotti who was the last teacher to ever assign me to write a story.  Just...a story of fiction.  In order to practice my skills as a writer and storyteller.  

Right after that, reading was no longer to get lost in a story, character, or idea, and writing became a tool strictly used for analyzing something to death.  To do outlines and charts and strategic essays and  compares and contrasts.  It wasn't until I was out of school and its conforming chokehold that I slowly began to rediscover and develop my own creativity.

Hearing these suit and tie guys talk this morning about their work seminar made me think of the rules I don't follow and soberly reminded me why I find it such a struggle to survive sometimes.

Of course, there was also the fact I hadn't eaten in ten days.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

My spouse and I went on a very similar 3-week program years ago. After the light-headedness, dreams of food, hallucinations, strange GI symptoms, headaches, grasping and clutching at any crumbs on the no-no list subsided, there was a feeling of euphoria, lightness, happiness and well- being and an exciting shrinkage of the waist line. Elation! We made it. Let us never sink into that condition again.

Three years later, things are not good; "uh oh let's try that great fast again". Six miserable days later we suspected we were dying or perhaps just going insane. The world was spinning out of control. Should we go to church and ask forgiveness, go on Vicodin, stay drunk on low-calorie booze, or just end it all and escape this awful existence?
The final answer was to plunge into hot dogs, fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, sauteed pork chops smothered in saurkraut, topped off with lemon meringue pie, a banana split, and then wash it all down with plenty of Corona and/or Ernest and Julio Gallo and finally some Godiva chocolates as an after-dinner reward. What a relief. We are alive! No, we really were not becoming psychotic, but vowing never,ever try that again! Disgustingly fat or not! Movienut

carms said...

eat, son, eat!

and check out foodgawker.com if you can't think of what you are hungry for...haha as if...

Eddie in OKC said...

So ... what did you eat?

Jesse Archer said...

Oh I ate so much. I tried to be good and have soup, but that didn't last very long. My friend Mich took me out for calamari and shrimp and salmon and... :)

Tony said...

Hey Jesse -

Glad you're back eating again. I was worried that you'd shrink away to nothing. I admire your willpower though. Not sure I could do it myself, even though I could definitely stand to lose 8 lbs.

Interesting that you got a glimpse of the Wall Street world. I was on the periphery of it myself, as a banker with a couple of regional investment firms (considered "provincial" by the Wall Street guys you saw at the gym). Came up to Wall Street lots of times to work with those guys, but always felt like I was on a "visitor" pass nevertheless.

From the creative standpoint, you should be glad that wasn't the life you lived. Don't know how many investment banking proposals I wrote: it was a deadly dull process. One time I tried to be a little creative and humorous; my boss sent the draft back with the note "don't be flip."
We are happier because you write stories, not prospectuses. I hope you are too. Keep it up.

Auntie M said...

Eat, honey, but drinking (a lot) is so bad for you, besides being very expensive. Moderation in all things, baby doll.

Don said...

I also tried a similar program last January - actually my son and I did it together - a two week purge. Managed to stay with it and lost, as of today, 175 pounds - now at 165!! Did not give up drink though - I am not that good!!!

Like you there are times when I feel I could eat everything in sight - and one day a week I do - or at least it seems like it - that is the one day per week my son recommended I should have just for me. Gets the metabolism going so you can lose even more later!! I still stick with it in his memory. The rest of the week is salads, soup with many and gin & tonics!!

The gym in the early hours is, as you described, a very scary place - such strange people getting ready for work. I remember well the seminars and workshops - thank God all that is behind me. In retirement I can just read for pleasure - now if you would just write more!! You are right - forget the rules and you will be Oh so much better off!!

Best,
Don

Anonymous said...

Re your statement:

Right after that, reading was no longer to get lost in a story, character, or idea, and writing became a tool strictly used for analyzing something to death. To do outlines and charts and strategic essays and compares and contrasts. It wasn't until I was out of school and its conforming chokehold that I slowly began to rediscover and develop my own creativity.

Jesse, I just had to say it: AMEN TO THAT!!! I COULD NOT AGREE MORE!!