Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Jesse's Vein VS. Phlebotomist

Bam's newphew and his girlfriend have been staying with us while visiting NYC. It's always fun to see the city through the eyes of someone seeing it for the first time. It makes you remember your first time, even though sometimes you doubt there ever WAS a first time, but then you do remember it. How incredible it was, and you realize it is amazing to be able to survive live here!

It's also fun to hear about the family down in Sydney. I love Bam's folks and sisters, especially his sister in law, because I think we have a lot in common. I hope to make it down for the holidays to see everyone and of course it never hurts to flip 35 degrees Farenheit for 35 Celcius. Santa-like!

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving! Mine was punctuated with a big nasty bout of the flu. I don't think it was the swine flu because I feel skinny. Bam Bam and Theraflu, I would have died without you two. Thank you! Finally on the mend, I made it to the clinic this morning. They insisted on taking blood, which was a bit of a battle. Usually they don't even need the rubber thingy to wrap around my upper arm because my veins are there all juicy and ready, and Phlebotomists always love that. But this one-- she misses! She stabs me and is like, oops! Oops? I have no idea how she did that. It's like putting a pistol to your brain and shooting your thigh.

I really can't stand blood, not even the idea of blood. Basically, I know there are organs and slithery spleens and blood and all that gunk going on inside of my body but I choose to ignore all of that because I'm very self-loathing when it comes to my insides. Despite this, I still insist on watching the pricking and I'm shocked. "Oh my god you missed!" The needle is dangling out of my arm and she's like, "Look away!" So I look away and she keeps saying, "Stop moving, stop moving!" and I say very emphatically, "I'm NOT moving!" and she says: "I'm talking to the vein!"

She's talking to my vein! The image of my big juicy green vein wiggling away from a needle that's fishing for it in a sea of blood...is really too much. "Take it out and stab again!" I tell her. "That's what I'm trying to avoid!" Why is she trying to avoid that? "Try it again!" She can't possibly miss twice. "I'm gonna get this one!" "I'm going to faint!" "No you're not!" "Pull it out!!" "I've GOT it!" she cries victorious.

Was it good for you, too?


carm said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! god i hope you come to australia again. this time we MUST meet up! lol

Don said...

Hope you are now feeling better. As for the nurse and the vein - been there and done that. Like you I choose to ignore what is going on inside and would prefer all that would just stay there. Love it when they put that think in your hand when you are in the hospital - takes many tries to get it right and then you can, at times, see the blood coming backwards. But, it is better than having them keep looking for a vein!!

NYC for the first time was fantastic - often wished I could relive that experience!! Plan to bring my grand children soon so I can see it again through their eyes - all the wonder!!

Best to you Jesse and thanks for the laugh!!


Tony said...

Hey Jesse:

Glad you're better.

One time I was in the hospital for about 10 days with severe lower back pain from a slipped disc. I was getting pain relievers and muscle relaxers intravenously (heavenly). About the 8th day a new young nurse came in to reset the line. By then all the veins in my hands had shrunk to nothing from overuse and the poor little girl, after jabbing around awhile, couldn't seem to find one that would work. She started to cry.
"Here honey, let me try," I said, still high on dope.
I clenched my fist, took the needle in the other hand and sunk it into a vein in one try.

Hope you don't get a relapse from the story of my brief career in phlebotomy.