Monday, November 09, 2009

That's what friends are for

I'm sitting with my friend Jimmy in a movie cinema at 11am on a Thursday about to watch the Michael Jackson film This is It---basically just to see how often Michael Jackson looks like he needs a propofol--when the previews begin.

They're all terribly apocalyptic, one in particular: "2012" -- about the Mayan predicted end of the world. There are earthquakes, explosions and all sorts of hellfire and it looks of course exactly like another movie, Independence Day, not surprisingly directed ALSO by Roland Emmerich. As the apocalypse all plays out, Jimmy turns to me and says, "Wouldn't it be cool if the world really did end in 2012? I'm kind of over it." He pauses before adding, "Do you think my unemployment will last til then?"

Friends are the best thing when you're in a funk. They make you feel not quite so alone in your thinking. They also make you feel better about your own situation because theirs is often worse, and yet they somehow turn misery into something wildly entertaining. Life would be tragic, if it weren't so damn funny.

A close friend who shall remain (I can't believe I'm not calling him out!) anonymous---had a hemorrhoid operation. He was all distraught about his ass being broken because it's his best feature. "My ass is out of commission," he went on and on. "It's like Einstein losing his brain!"

So my friend has the operation, and he can't hardly even sit (we like to say his ass is "closed for maintenance", and of course he likes to add, "It's being rejuvenated!"). Anyway, first night after his operation, he stands up to take the bandage and diaper off, sees his own blood all over it and immediately faints, crashing to the floor...and breaking a finger in the process!

Then there's my friend Trent - who came home a couple weeks ago to find his Chelsea apartment had been broken into and robbed, his camera and laptop stolen. You can imagine the horror at having your computer and all your files disappear, especially if you're a writer like Trent--but it gets better! The thieves had rummaged through his drawers, looking for goodies, and on the table where his laptop once sat was....Trent's DILDO! Yes, they had left him a little message, a final: You got screwed!

Which, Trent writes, "You have to admit is pretty hysterical."

1 comment:

Don said...

Thanks so much Jesse - this made me laugh and improved my mood greatly!! You are the best!!