Friday, September 04, 2009

religion has fear, the rest of us have satire.

A couple of weeks ago, I rode into Idaho and met up with the fantastic group of people I met back in Hawaii. In 2007, our producer Mich Lyon took us on a day cruise around the NaPali coast, where we met "Dolphin Laurie" and all her Idaho Falls friends. If you're a long-time reader of this blog, you won't have forgotten the super sensational blog post she inspired, "Fingering Flipper"!

Laurie is safe on land and still best friends with her boys. In fact, back when I was writing Violet Tendencies, I consulted with her on what it's like for a "Fruit Fly", so she's definitely part of our film. I'm also pleased to report that Laurie has gone off and gotten happily married. And she didn't even have to leave her boys! Her friends Wes and Scott own the absolute BEST restaurant in Idaho Falls. If you're ever in the must swing by and eat at Rutabaga's.

Cooldan and I had such a great time with them, we hope to spend more time together. The thing about Laurie and her friends is they are all ex-Mormons, were all once married to Mormons, and all somehow freed themselves. It's so entertaining to hear about that religion because it is soooo far out there.

I ask, "Is it true that when you're married, they give you a secret name to use when you're dead to let you enter heaven?" Scott turns to Laurie, and says, "Is it true, Rachel?" Laurie turns to Scott, "I don't know, Aaron," she says. HA! I mean, it's not even a FUN name. Aaron? For all the vast imagination that went into their religion, you think they could dish out a Moroni or Nephi.

Now if you tell anyone but your spouse this secret name, you go straight to hell. And just to illustrate how man-made and misogynistic religion is: the husband gets to know the secret name of his wife, but the wife never knows the name of the husband. So what if the wife dies first and has to call out his name to enter heaven? SORRY!! She waits around in some purgatory (I hope there's television!) until he dies to then call out her secret (yet hopelessly boring) name!

But back to earth, and the story of ex-communication. Those gays! Wes and Scott have been together for almost 20 years, but the Mormons decided just this year to witch-hunt (presumably to keep church accounting prosperous). So they actually went to their home and started with, "It's been reported that you're not living a life that's harmonious with the scripture...." Can you believe that? Following that, the church sent a letter, giving a date for a "tribunal" where Scott was to appear and church elders were to determine if he is to be excommunicated! As if he was going to appear. But the best part? Laurie sees the letter and sends the church back this note:

"Dear XXX, My husband's excommunication hearing has been scheduled on the same night as the season finale of BIG LOVE. Could you please reschedule?"


carms said...

you just make me laugh....!

Don said...

Too much!! The best!!