Sunday, August 30, 2009

food stamps for sex, and other stories from the brink

So you know what this recession is good for? Thinking outside the box! You've all heard about that woman who was auctioning off her virginity online? Even more ingenious, a Swiss friend of mine opened (with her husband) a Bed & Breakfast in their brooklyn apartment!!! People are just so darn creative these days. Take Anita Private. He's decided the only way to get some hot action is to hire a hooker, but who can afford a hooker these days? Recessionistas, think smart!

Anita wrote this craigslist posting:

"In need of a man tonight. I don't have any cash....but I have food stamps. Come over for sex and I will give you food stamps, and feed you some chicken and my homemade peach cobbler."

He got 4 responses to that post! One or more of them beginning, "You can keep your cobbler..."

In other world news not related to the recession, a friend was visiting NY from Texas when he told me about Mary Tyler Moore's miscarriage. A miscarriage is a total tragedy, but have you heard about hers? She wrote about it in her memoir. While pregnant, I guess she had pains in the middle of the night so she got up to go to the bathroom, but right there in her hallway she has a miscarriage and before she can even process this horror, her German Shepherd walks over and...eats it!

I know!

Moving on...my friend Coppelia was visiting New York this weekend and as we walked hungover through the East Village on Saturday morning, she reminded me how, in Zambia, after a night of record-breaking drinking on an (unlimited) booze cruise, she walked hungover with me to Victoria Falls Bridge to watch me bungee jump. There was another girl, on the heavy side, who was also going to Bungee Jump but didn't....not because she was scared, but only because they write your actual weight in big, black letters down your arm!

What else? Cooldan is back from a cruise he took with his visiting parents. They hit a bunch of islands, including St. Maarten. "Isn't that where you did the pirouettes?" Yes! Back in 1997 I lived for a few months on St. Maarten, working as an extra in a flop of a film called Speed 2. One day we shot a crowd scene where all the locals are supposed to run away from an oncoming cruise ship which is headed right for us!! AAAHH, so scary!!! It was a huge shot, cameras on helicopters, masses in a big stampede. Well, me being me, I didn't just run away down the pier screaming....I did actual pirhouettes down the pier, twirling away from danger!!!!

We had to do it over after the extras got a huge note about how much money had been wasted on that shot because "one of you was spinning down the pier!" They failed to mention how much money had been wasted on that crappy film! If you dare watch it, you get big points for spotting me! (Hint: it's not in the scene described above).

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