Saturday, May 23, 2009

It's not what you can do for your trick...

but what can your trick do for you?

Cooldan is back! Since quitting his job, he's hit Australia, Paris, Jordan, and his homeland of Lebanon. During this time, his roommates up and moved to San Francisco.

On his return, Dan found he's not completely alone in the apartment.

"How are you with dead mice?" he asked me. "Can you...get rid of it for me?"

I don't usually have a problem with that, but then came the kicker. "The mouse crawled inside my electrical outlet and electrocuted itself." His light socket cover had been removed and the mouse managed to crawl into the side and shocked itself to death. Now there is mouse ass and tail hanging rigid outside the socket.

I tell Cooldan he's on his own for that one.

He can call his Landlord. Of course he doesn't, so over the course of the next few days his complaints mount. "I can't sleep at night with...mouse ass sticking out my wall!"

So what are you going to do? "I'm just going to wait until it turns into a skeleton."

But then on Thursday, fate intervened when Cooldan picked up some guy on the bus. They made googly eyes at one another --got off at the same stop-- and when Dan asks him where he's going, he says he's meeting friends at the bar down the street. Cooldan says, "Want to come over to my place first?" And that was that.

They go to Dan's place, fuck, and afterwards Cooldan musters the courage to ask, "Would you help me with something...?"

Oh Yes! The trick offers to help extract dead mouse-ass from the light socket.

First he tries a broom. He whacks at the mouse, but it won't budge. "Do you have anything to pry it out with?" Cooldan suggests plyers! The trick takes plyers, pulls on the mouse and...the mouse breaks in half!!!

So now there is only half a mouse in Cooldan's electrics. This half, he insists, will be left to decompose unmolested "until it turns into a skeleton."

The nameless trick then left to the bar, to meet up with his friends. Can you imagine the first words out of his mouth? "You'll never guess what happened to me..."

4 comments:

Michael said...

Sometimes I feel like I live in an alternate universe from yours.

Anonymous said...

Jesse,

Have Dan turn off the main electrical circuit breaker. This will cut off power to all electric outlets in the apartment. Flip on the light switch, the light should not come on, thereby confirming the outlet is not powered. He can then safety scoop out the dead mouse remains.

Your friend Jimmy
P.S. Dan, adopt a homeless cat!

BearChub4U said...

Dan certainly couldn't have done all of the traveling he's done if there was a CAT at home needing his attention. IMHO they're alot more trouble than they're worth! Mouse traps or D-Con works much better and don't require daily maintenance! Of course, I'm somewhat jaded, after living with a roommate who had 5 fucking cats for 6 years, and when he traveled, I HAD TO CARE FOR THEM... No more pussy for me after 21 years of marriage and 6 years with him! LOL

Michael Coates said...

I am once again reminded of how much I am in love with Dan. Who knew the tale of an afternoon rendezvous and a crusty rodent could have such power.