Thursday, May 28, 2009

Grandma Must Die!

I tried something new for my column in June/July issue of Out magazine. I stopped the snark!

It's always fun to try a new mood, and for this one I went wistful.

Over two years ago, I wrote a column about the young clarinet player who spent the night and wouldn't leave in the morning. I was never outright rude to him, but my thoughts about the experience came across cruel and jaded. They were meant to be contradicted at the very end, when he said to me "I know what this is, but I wish we could have been friends." It was then I understood the allure of youth. I thought it was touching, and some people got that.

The vast majority, however, despised the cynic. I got hate mail saying I was a 1000 year old vampire; an emotional rapist. I was responsible (don't you know?) for drug addiction, prostitution, and suicide! If there's one column people remember the most--it's that one.

A few months back, I got a letter from a reader in England saying they had changed their mind about me---that for years he thought I was that wanker who wrote about that poor clarinetist. So finally I decided to write the antidote to that column, and this is it: "Grandma Must Die".

Yes, I was there too. I was the poor clarinetist dreaming of forever, and Michel of Rotterdam was my unrequited crush. It happens to all of us. It may sting, but a sting is the only way for starry eyes to see.


The Blackout Blog said...

Well, I didn't catch that column, but I'm a big believer in taking responsibility for the consequences of one's actions. If you can't handle morning-after rejection, don't do random hookups. Just like if you can't act like a non-dumbass when you drink, don't drink!

I'm sure homeboy learned a very important lesson that morning. Besides, he would have become a drug-addicted prostitute anyway.

brice said...

Jesse -

Close to 4 here and I'm having a bout of insomnia. Gave up, got up, and signed on to read some blogs for a bit.

Anywho, wanted you to know the letter to Out is coming save I've been slammed at work (and the last thing I want to do when I get home is write more) and I've not been able to find the older column which I would like to reference.

I can't have lost it. I'm sure to have misfiled or mislaid it. I'll tear the flat apart this weekend. I'm due for a spring cleaning anyway.


Casper said...

The column with the clarinet player is one of my favorites still. "Grandma must die" is equally brilliant. I hope everyone reads it!

stephen said...

Jesse,,, it was up there as one of your best!