Thursday, April 02, 2009

That Ballgown in the Window

Mike a.k.a. Anita Bailout (nee Private) is all excited about his Pride Costume. As you may have read, we're infiltrating the parade in a gold-digger theme this year. Just after our big thematic decision, Anita was out shopping at her favorite thrift shops--including Housing Works, which dabbles in the euphemism "high-end vintage treasures".

Unlike other high-end vintage treasure outlets, Housing Works always shows off the most horrendous stuff in their windows. We all know Housing Works pack their windows with the crap they can't sell. As they wait for Anita to stroll by.

And when she does, she spots a GOLD gown. Perfect for Pride! However, the thing about the horrendous crap they put in the windows is: you have to bid on these items at their site online.

So old Anita goes to the site and finds her prize. The description read:

STATUESQUE GOLDEN DRAG QUEEN GOWN: HAND SEWN, SOME WEAR AND TEAR FROM ALL THE PRODUCTION NUMBERS. A FEW LIPSTICK STAINS.

Anita is all thrilled and she bids on it. The minimum amount: $75.

There is also a note of drama in Anita's quest to accessorize. Says Anita, "I am not going to limit myself to clip-ons when it comes to my earrings!!" So instead of piercing his ears he calls his mother--because mother lives in Buffalo and has some sort of gizmo that can convert any regular earring into a clip-on earring. I know! Sounds like some kind of freebie you get when you order a set of Ginsu knives on QVC.

Anita called his mother "on behalf of a friend" to please (911!) rush that clip-on converter down to the city immediately. It's being shipped.

I had really better get cracking on my costume because Anita's almost done! Yes, she WON the gold drag queen gown with her minimum bid. Nobody else bothered to bid. Anita was ecstatic to have won such a prize, but she was actually too ashamed to go and pick it up...so she had it fed-exed to her home! When it arrived, Anita called to say, "This thing weighs like 20 pounds."

Anita's been recounting the tale of this golden treasure for weeks, breathlessly explaining how fabulous it is, and how she's really outdone herself and can't wait to surprise us at Pride when she walks 5th avenue in this splendor. But the other day she had me over and was getting smashed on her 15th vodka and water of the hour, when she couldn't resist anymore, pulled a box out of the closet, opened it up and blew the secret.

I have no words. Really. And I'm not going to blow her secret here with a description of all her gown's glories but let's just say I have every reason to believe that, in the heat of the parade, Anita will take off that gown and toss it into the screaming crowds.

4 comments:

Mark in DE said...

Wow, you all start getting ready for Pride EARLY! Can't wait (til June) to see photos of Anita in her golden glamour.

Don said...

I thought I was excited about Pride but you guys ae really into it - I will be there to see all of you in all your golden splendor!!

Sancho said...

I love how you and your friends do this every year for Pride! I really need to get my gurls together and do something similar, it seems like so much fun!!

Anonymous said...

I went to school with a girl named Anita Dyck and a boy named Mike Hunt. for reals. and the mayor of our town was called Harry Dyck.

i'm totally not joking.
xc