Friday, March 20, 2009

Groom-zilla on the Prowl

Ok, so my gay friends Pierce and Skie are getting married -woot!- and their reception is to be black tie formal. Apparently, some of the guests are not. getting. the. message. They recently sent the below email out to the attendees of which I am not one, thankfully, because after reading this I would've shown up in a sequin leisure suit. Below is absolutely beyond the gay pale--and a hysterical reminder of why you should spare everyone the agony and simply elope!

Remember, this is not the Golden Globes! Does that mean they won't be drinking?


RE: Attire for next Saturday

Get your humor hat on. And regardless of whatever you read in a fashion magazine; GQ, Details, etc. or what the trends are – this is not the Golden Globes.

I have received a ga-zillion calls in the past day or so on what is black tie. (boy you guys wait till the last minute) Whether you are buying or renting this week please do not go broke for this! Do something that is within your budget and work with what you already have. Please keep in mind this is not; semi-formal, black-tie-optional or creative-black-tie.

It is simply known as black-tie, that means a tuxedo jacket, tuxedo pants and a bow tie! PERIOD!!! This night was created by Skie and I to be a fun romantic evening, think Cary Grant or Clark Gable – not Tom Ford (no bare chests showing!)

You may do a black tie alternative as I know some of you want to wear a smoke jacket to add some color with your bow tie that is perfect also. Just remember the difference between breaking the rules and skillfully blending.

Here is the definition of black-tie:

Here is more information on what is black tie:

Here is a link to what you don’t want to do with images of what is going against black tie:


Margret Echeverria said...

In hysterics!!

scott said...

You can drink at the golden globes - its sponsored by Moet Chandon. The Oscars is no drinking - on camera anyway!

The Blackout Blog said...

Ugh, I have at least one friend that I could see doing this.

Yet another excuse to use one of my favorite lines: "I'm not that kind of gay."

Mark in DE said...

Not that they're control freaks or anything... not at all!!!

Lucky Pierre said...

Ugh. My mom was afraid I would turn into one of these types when I told her I was gay. Thank GOD her fears were never realized.

Anonymous said...

i can't believe you published a link to their invite! lol
you won't have to wait to burn in hell, i think they might torch you in your bed while you sleep....
tooo funnnnyy!

Don said...

Jesse the only way for you to go, if invited, would be in the sequin leisure suit!! Must be true to yourself. And, I would bring along Bam Bam's new toy just to add a bit of flair to the event!!

Anonymous said...

I totally disagree with you Jesse! Though I have no intention of ever having a black tie wedding it's what these guys want to do on their big day and it's their choice. If they wanted everyone to show up in drag at their wedding it would be the same thing - just more colorful. If you had been invited and didn't want to play along -it would be your choice not to attend.

Jesse Archer said...

totally, anonymous--whatever makes them happy!

Anonymous said...

a relative of mine had a black & white ball for her wedding. no one was permitted entrance unless they were dressed in black and/or white. she then arrived wearing RED.

i opted not to attend . . . despite the fact i usually only wear black. i just have issues with controlling bitches.

Edina M. said...

"think Cary Grant or Clark Gable – not Tom Ford"

Ironic that they specifically exclude the one openly gay man.

I know Pierce and wish them the very best anyhow.


Anonymous said...

Hi Jesse Archer Fans,

Thank you “Scad’s” for forwarding over the email to Jesse! I was walking my dog this morning down 9th avenue in Hell’s Kitchen and was approached by a few of Jesse’s readers about this post so I logged on to join in. I am a “on the brink” virgin so I am not familiar with the general dialogue of this blog.

My sincerest apologies if it offended anyone. It was an interesting email to send out and those that know me - know my sense of humor. Those that had a tux or wouldn’t dream of dressing as such laughed it off. Those that are insecure about attending or can't find a bow-tie really couldn't stomach it and should not be in attendance.

As one Jesse’s readers commented it's our night and we can do whatever the heck we want to. The real bottom line is that the invites went out six months ago and said BLACK TIE - there was no "optional" about it. So if people RSVP thinking they can show up like they are attending a Cape Code clambake then need to bail out at the last minute - then they are more than welcome to do so. We have many friends that will gladly take their place.

The reference to the Golden Globes - that it’s really semi-formal, black-tie optional and not quite black-tie, it had nothing to do with liquor. We do have a full open bar.

And Jesse, one last thing, you are welcome to come to the church ceremony – it starts at 6pm at St. Bart’s on Park Avenue, you may where whatever your heart desires. I will make sure the ushers sit you on my side, in the back. Just ask for my best man Edward Thornton to seat you.

I know that Chad needs a date for this and if you want to wear a tuxedo and promise to be good “no cat fights with my friends, though none of them will be like Steve” you should see if you can join him at the reception. I am sure my parents would love to meet you.


Casper said...

Hmm. I left that comment about not agreeing with you Jesse... Don't know why it showed up anonymous. just wanted to let you know it was me! Casper

Jesse Archer said...

Thanks for being a good sport! Ha!

And thanks for the invite--I'd love to come. Will be my first man on man wedding this side of the Atlantic!!

Congratulations on YOUR special day.


PS: Cape Cod Clambake--LMAO!