Thursday, February 19, 2009

Whacky NYC Weekend Update

From low life to high life and all on the gilded cobblestones of the meat packing district. What a weekend!

On Valentine's Day, promoter Daniel Nardicio held his annual "Nardi Gras" party at a loft in that triangle building over on 9th avenue. It was packed to the gills with go-gos, mad men, and a brass band was contracted to march through the middle of the party blaring tunes from New Orleans inspired jazz. Nice trombone! Soon, sirens were heard, the place was raided and everyone was kicked out like something out of a 1920's speakeasy. On my way out, I asked one NYPD blue, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" and she responded, "Where should I begin?"

9 summonses, 15 hours, and one block further west, the doors opened for the grand opening of the Matthew Williamson boutique right at Fashion Week. The garments are gorgeous, the accessories sparkling, and the store divine---I was told by its designer that the layout was supposed to feel like a "journey". Oh, honey, I took that journey on a river of pink champagne!

The fashion crowd always puts me a bit on edge, so I was glad when the celebrities arrived so I could blend away into the hand-painted wallpaper. Mischa Barton, Rachel Zoe, Heidi Klum, and Lindsay Lohan (who was flown out from LA --and then bailed on his Tuesday show!). All but the last soon left because Matthew Williamson kept hanging on to old Lindsay who, for her part, looked amazing (if way older than 23).

"She's so skinny" screeched one plus-sized queen, "It reminds me of looking into the mirror!"

And she was...bone thin. Sad to say, it was a good look! Lindsay tried to enjoy herself when she wasn't hiding in the bathroom or being chased around the store by a circus of photographers. One poor PR girl was given the thankless task of having to "shadow" Lindsay while holding her purse and bringin her champagne. Hey! Lindsay's not supposed to be drinking, is she? And we all (and I do mean all) knew what kind of powder was in that purse!!!

Here's a not so flattering shot I took. Much better ones to be found online!
More shocking---why do we know this? And why, oh why!, can I name every last one of Angelina Jolie's children? Couldn't that brain-space be filled with something more useful? Maybe if we collectively refused to know any of this, these people would be able to exist as people. It was both sad and scary to see Lindsay Lohan race around, fiending, trapped like a caged animal.
You never want to be this famous.

You may, however, want to be this elderly-- after you meet Zelda Kaplan. She's New York City's high living, style-minded 92 year old club kid.
Zelda Kaplan (below left) is 92 years old, and wearing 4 inch heels!
When she's not behind velvet ropes, or at the latest opening, Zelda's globetrotting to raise awareness on womens rights and to stop female genital mutilation. Bam Bam complimented her outfit--and Zelda said she got it in Burma. Then she went on about how she crossed the border into Burma illegally with some monks, militant monks, and that they were very good to her. Bam asks, "When was this?" and we thought she said, "40 years ago," but what she really said was "4 years ago," and everyone within earshot nearly dropped their champagne flutes.

Absolutely taken with Zelda, I blurted "I want to be you when I grow up!" and Zelda squeezed my arm and said, "I am counting on you." After looking her up, discovering her efforts overseas, and then finding this website, old age suddenly has fabulous appeal!

3 comments:

Sancho said...

Well Jesse you told me to comment more, this is Danny that you met at Xes last night!

I heard about the Nardi Gras incident, sounds fabulous! I wanted to go but my friends refused =(

And Zelda Kaplan is one of the most amazing people ever. If only at half her age some of us could accomplish what she does now... well, the world might just be a better place!

Jesse Archer said...

Hi Danny/Sancho!

Thanks for saying HEY at Karaoke. Glad you didn't see me sing! I was suprised you recognized me & Cooldan with our new hairdos!

Hope to bump into you again soon. And yeah--yay for Zelda!

Tony said...

Yeah -

Let's hear it for aging with attitude. As someone who is already 72% of Zelda's age, I hope I can grow up like her too. And I'm counting on you doing the same. Of course, it also depends on what's in your genes. That's GENES, Jesse.