Friday, December 05, 2008

Is it Tina?...or is it...Tina?

The other day, a friend was telling me how they're cracking down on drug use on Craigslist, or somewhere. People were being censored if they wrote about doing "Tina", which means crystal meth. So now, he said, everyone was writing "I have tickets to the Tina Turner concert" instead...

Imagine the smirk of surprise that came to my face yesterday, when I get a text from an unknown number that reads: "I have two tickets to the Tina Turner concert, if you want them."

I'm actually confused: is it crystal meth-----or, I think she's touring, Tina Turner? Welcome to my world.

I write back, judiciously, "How much? And who is this?"

Turns out it is a new friend Brandon (I never plugged in his number), and he is offering not meth, but tickets to Tina Turner...out on Long Island...for free! I was all over that. Thanks, Brandon!

Cooldan and I braved the Long Island RailRoad, out to a place called...Uniondale, to a "coliseum" with the incomparable Tina Turner. Girl is 69 years old, so let's just call it out. Has she still got the legs? Check. Has she still got the voice? Check. Has she still got the moves, moxy, and energy to pull it off? Check, check, check. Three times CHECK!


Tina was waaaaayyy beyond thunderdome. Absolutely unbelievably out of this world. What a woman! This has been quite a legendary week. Turns out rock stars age far better than musical theatre icons (sorry, Liza). At one point, Tina was on a gigantic hydraulic arm that stretched out way out above her audience. It was about two feet wide, and she marched on that catwalk in those super-high heels; dancing, singing, and racing about like it was a full on stage. Tina gives us a live, near-death experience! Way better than Meth!

We're going to forgive Tina for the unfortunately camp re-telling of MadMax, and just say that the only thing wrong with Ms Turner was...her Long Island fans! Now the only thing worse than people who go to rock concerts and SIT down the whole time are...customs agents. And the only thing worse than customs agents are people who go to rock concerts, sit down the whole time and then tell others to sit down because their view is blocked.

For the finale, sister Turner is up there rollin' on a river...doing Proud Mary. WORK! Or is that WERQ?! When I get a tap on my shoulder by this guy and his fat woman with binoculars who insist I sit down because they can't see. I guess I could sit down, but just TRY sitting down for Proud Mary, LIVE! Ok? He could of course stand up. He doesn't. I just keep standing, rollin' on a river! He can stay home and watch it on TV next time. I have a feeling he does that a lot.

5 comments:

KentClark said...

Now Jesse not everyone wants to be a dancing queen for an entire concert.....especially if the idiots in front of you are two drunk white woman "having a girls night out from the husbands"...
If everyone around is up, then fine, but if they aren't I didn't pay $150 to watch some skinny bitch in front of me instead of the Queen of Rock and Roll........
I'll see you on facebook.

Eddie said...

I want your life.

Well, some of it ;)

Lucky Pierre said...

I'm with you. Stay home if you want to sit through a Tina Turner show. Seriously.

We had some dullards try to tell us to sit down for Madonna recently. We were having none of it.

Brandon said...

It was a blast and it was so cool to have you guys with us! Those creepy Long Island folk suck

Lwando said...

OOOHHH my word! I went and I saw her at the target center and it was amazing. I love her and she is amazing live. Those legs just don't give up. They must be insured for millions of dollars. Who would ever sit down at a Tina Turner concert? Especially during proud marry, when she does it Rough!