Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Australian Open

Damn, Australia is big!

On a road trip through N.S.W. and Victoria at the moment. Kangaroo Roadkill? Check. Wombat roadkill? Check. Unidentified carnage roadkill? Check, check, check!

N.S.W. is obsessed with speeding. I love this ad campaign below. It's also on television...in it, these guys rev their engines, speeding through a small town. All the women they pass turn to one another and wag their pinky fingers knowingly, as in: yeah, small dick. Hysterical. Not so hysterical--are the laws. N.S.W. deducts "de-merit points" for traffic offenses. This week, you lose "double de-merit" points. Two double-de-merit speeding offenses (over the course of three years!) and you lose your license! It's all very slap-you-on-the-wrist parochial. How do you spell N-A-N-N-Y state?

Makes no sense economically, because if you're a single mother with a good job and lose your license you can't really get to work and support your family. On the other hand, if you have an American license...you just pay a fine. No de-merits for me! Holy hell, I've been driving...

On the left side of the road!

"You go too fast," Bam Bam says. He claime, "Driving plays into your need for control...and you do everything all wrong."

By everything all wrong, he means the fact each time I turn, I put on the windshield wipers instead of the blinker. When I do turn, I revert to programming and turn into the right lane.

Oncoming traffic is coming head on and Bam Bam screams, "Get in the right lane!"

"You mean the correct lane?" I answer, swerving. "Now's not the time to argue semantics!"

So far, no human roadkill.


Audrey said...

Good Lord, you don't drive - you're a New Yorker. Even when you did drive, back in Oregon, you only managed to stay on the road because of the ruts. STAY OFF THE ROADS!!

Edina Monsoon said...

I cannot imagine a scarier place on this earth than sitting in the passenger seat of a car being driven by you in a foreign country.

Except perhaps one being driven by me, since I've never driven in my entire life.

I presume Bam Bam was too drunk to drive and that's why he let you.