Saturday, November 01, 2008

What Happens in Vegas...

Vegas is America! Totally extravagant, totally trashy. A fantasy, a slum. Giant human creatures lumber down the aisles of an endless all-you-can-eat buffet. And world class athletes perform on the inovative stages of Cirque du Soleil. This time I saw their latest, KA, with a raked hydraulic stage. If you want to be inspired, and to remember just how incredible it is to be alive, I'd say go to Burning Man, and one of Cirque du Soleil's stationary shows in Vegas.

But then you'll leave the theatre and be swallowed right back into the tawdry truth of it all...

At the all-u-can-eat buffet, we're faced with a metaphysical dilemma. The country fried waffle or the pancake casserole?
On the way back into the Monte Carlo one night (around 5 am), I was so crunk I sat down to play some slots. After a spell, I sat up from a blackout and hailed a passing waitress. "Why isn't it letting me play?" I asked, disturbed. "It's not lighting up anymore." She looked at me curiously, "Because you have to put money into the machine," she advised.

I was so drunk that I was literally passing out onto the machine. "So do you want a drink?" she asked. "Yes," I stuttered.
Meanwhile, the men of Playgirl took their clothes off in an MGM suite.
Is that a straight bottom soaking in the tub?
It is strictly forbidden to take photos on the casino floor.
...but did you see all the dotted cameras on the ceiling? And how about this ceiling, in the Venetian. It's so much easier for Americans to fly to Vegas than Italy. Here they speak English, take dollars, and have all-you-can-eat buffets. It's like traveling, only you don't have to deal with foreign culture.
The fountain at the Bellagio puts on free choreographed routines every half an hour. This one was set to Elvis's "Viva Las Vegas". At least something's getting exercise around here!

Vegas is always changing. There are cranes, cranes everywhere. Being from New York, we were always hyper aware of the cranes, ever-ready to dash off should they care to come crashing down. The cranes below are constructing a new casino and living space called "City Center", which destroyed the Boardwalk Casino, home of the cheapest all-u-can-eat buffet on the strip (and hence, my favorite).

This sprawling new monolith will feature a casino, rooms, and condos for living! In Vegas, hotel room windows only open about 2 inches. There are no balconies, either, just in case you lose lots of money gambling and feel the need to pitch yourself down 30 stories to merciful death.

However, as seen below, the new city center condos will feature actual balconies! But if gambling away your life savings is enough to make you jump, just imagine living on the strip.

New construction and "hot babes". Vegas, baby, Vegas.
Vegas is the LEAST GAY CITY in the world. Yes, that is a blender on her head.
New York, New York. Never far from home.

3 comments:

melissa said...

Looks like you're having a great time! I am in Panama right now...having a great time, missing Jon though!

XOXO
M

You said...

I heart Vegas! My favorite part of the story is the "crunk" part where the cocktail waitress brought you more liquor. I hope it was complimentary!

Mark in DE said...

"It's so much easier for Americans to fly to Vegas than Italy. Here they speak English, take dollars, and have all-you-can-eat buffets. It's like traveling, only you don't have to deal with foreign culture."

That made me laugh out loud!

I love Vegas!

Mark :-)