Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Banned from Sex Parties!

Now we're really on the brink! A while back I did promotions for Friskylist at a midtown sex party. I passed out fabulous tank-tops to all the "guests" and in exchange I got to be at the party and also help...clean up. You know, exciting stuff like picking up used condoms!

So I ran into the organizer, Aron, a while ago at Barracuda and first off he doesn't even thank me for picking up condoms...and instead tells me how he got all these complaints about me. Yes, I was talking...at the sex party. Big no-no! Cuz, you know, sex is supposed to be this very dark, very quiet huff-and-primal-puff sort of affair.

Anyway...what exactly was I saying? Suddenly, I remember. In the bedroom, I asked the coital crowd, "Why is nobody fucking on the bed?" because they weren't, they were all just hovering around it. I followed that up with, "Look, it's got rubber sheets!"

Aron told me just how annoying it is to try and be funny when there is sex to be had. I told him he didn't have to have me back, and he says, "You're not invited back." Can you believe it? I've been booted out of bars before, but banned from sex parties? What is left for me to achieve?

Before we parted ways, Aron told me it was a shame: "Everyone thought you were cute...until you opened your mouth."

"Well cute dies," I replied. But my mouth goes on forever."

14 comments:

Danny said...

Get yourself banned from CCBC in Palm Springs and then I'll be impressed.

Timmy said...

You go, girl! I say talk all you want. They don't know what they're missing. Humor and wit is just as sexy as a pretty face. And both are divine.

Edina Monsoon said...

Jesse, at a sex party the important thing is what's going into your mouth, not what's coming out of it.

x

Eds

Calen said...

I love how witty you are. :)

Eddie said...

You can talk at my sex party any day!

Anonymous said...

I can't help but think that this could all have been avoided if Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt would have addressed how one should comport oneself at a gay sex party!
Your Friend Jimmy

Edina Monsoon said...

I've never been to one (and now that I'm over 40 I only get invited to nursing home sex parties). Is there some kind of Director there who puts everyone into position or is just a free-for-all melee?

Jesse Archer said...

oh Danny--yes, CCBC--would be an impressive ejection!

Edina--no matchmaker at the sex parties. It's a free for all. People just wander around in their underwear and cruise until sex has been agreed upon (non-verbally, of course)!

The Blackout Blog said...

God, I had a similar experience at my first BaƱa party. Apparently people don't like commentary during their show (which, like a movie, is the only way to watch).

Anonymous said...

How about starting a FriskyList Party ?

carmel said...

Hahahahahahah!!!!!
awesome.

stephen said...

We used to go to the "Mighty Men" sex parties in L.A... there you had to take all of your clothes off at the front door.. had someone like you been there adding a lil humor.. would have great! Some of those parties are a lttle too stiff! :-)

Z said...

Talking during sex parties is called dirty talking. Tell Aaron! He has no sense of humor.

Margret said...

What on earth is WRONG with people? It's a SEX party, people! And SEX is a sub-topic of COMMUNICATION! Duh! Have we become this dumbed down that we have forgotten what SEX is about??! My opinion is that one might have been hard pressed to find GOOD SEX at this particular party. Not your crowd, Baby.