Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Show on the Road

Here's how to silence four 'mos in a cab, Vegas style...

Version 1:

The cabbie is this fat guy with a long beard. He looks like a cross between Rowdy Roddy Piper, and one of those trolls that waits under bridges and eats goats. We're chit chattering, driving to the gay bar, which you could tell the driver was not thrilled about, chit chattering away when suddenly a Blondie song comes on the radio and he says "You guys might not care, but Blondie has great tits." The driver reminisces. "Always had em."

The four 'mos in the car nod. He thinks some more. "She did get a little fat though," he says. "But I'd still spank that." he says, spanking the wheel with his hand. "Yeah, I'd still spank that!"

Version 2:

The cabbie is a black woman with a strong accent. We ask her where she's from and she says, Ethiopia. She detects that the four boys in her cab may be a bit fey. "Are you all married?" she asks, and we immediately scream, "We're gay!" She of course doesn't believe it, how can it be? "We don't have gays in Africa," she says. "Yes, you do," I tell her. "I've slept with lots of them!"

"We don't have gays in Africa," she goes on, merrily, "Because they are killed." She is quick to add that it's the lesbians she can't accept. "They have nothing to put in to make boom-boom". Gay men, like the 4 in her cab, are fine. Because they have parts to go in and make boom boom? Well, yes, and also "Gays, they tip very very good!" she said.

The conversation somehow moved to the election, "I like McCain," she said. "White people, they are better," she says, and the 4 'mos in her cab are completely silenced. "I'm black, and I'm not racist, but white people are better," she says, again, chirpily.

Amazingly enough, she did not get a very very good tip.

6 comments:

The Blackout Blog said...

And I thought Caribbeans were homophobic...

You said...

Why can't cabbies in other cities be more like New York cabbies? I much prefer being ignored while they jabber on their cells in Farci.

My advice? Start walking more.

The Blackout Blog said...

My advice? Start walking more.

Oo, Jesse! Are you gonna let her talk to you that way! Well, personally, I don't think you need to lose any weight!

Jesse Archer said...

Start walking more? Girl, have you been on that strip?! And you thought that cabbie was homophobic...

Mark in DE said...

People just never stop amazing me, and NOT in the good way.

Mark :-)

Anonymous said...

You guys could have been cruising the "fruit loop". At 6:00 AM there are crowds of taxies vying for some "generous?", tipsy tipsters. Movienut