Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A few items

Hey, are you good at story? Can you help me out? I'm beginning to write a comedy about house on Fire Island. It's got all the usual gay suspects, stuck in the same time-share for summer. What happens out there that's of any consequence? What gets em all riled up, besides one another?

You see the right sidebar of my blog is blank. There are supposed to be Adsense ads in there, and I can't figure out why they're not appearing. My techie friends can't figure it out either. When I click on "blog preview" they appear, and that's one of my main issues with blogger: Their "preview" exists on an entirely different plane than actuality. So since I can't figure out adsense, if you have an ad (and its code) you'd like to post here, let me know.

I know my sales really suck when my book ranking on Amazon is behind the book "How to say Fabulous in 8 languages". I get a real kick out of that! Maybe my new publisher (who is my new publisher?) should put the price of mine back down to something reasonable? I feel like busting into their bindery and liberating it from the chains of absurd pricing. That's how I say fabulous in English!

6 comments:

Edina Monsoon said...

The audience for your book isn't the folks who take a share in Fire Island. Your audience is the wider universe of folks who wonder what happens out there.

So feel free to use your imagination: Michael Lucas filming porn in the bushes, house mothers passing off Chef Boyardee as their own recipe.

You said...

You idea slut! I thought we were going to write this together!

Anonymous said...

I'm with Edina. Definitely porn in the bushes. And from every angle. Oh wait I'm sorry...you said you wanted a story, right?

Tony said...

Hey Jesse -

How's this:

The day before you (as the organizing share partner of the house) are due to go out and open the place for the summer, your widowed Mother from Sioux Falls, SD, shows up unannounced at your apartment in the City.
Somehow you've managed to keep from her attention the fact that you're gay. (Maybe you didn't come out till you moved to NYC.)
Luckily, your new boyfriend hasn't moved into your apt. yet, so that's not a giveaway.
When you say,
"But Mom, some friends and I have rented a house at the beach for a summer, and I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Wonderful," she says in all innocence. "I haven't been to the beach since your late lamented [or maybe unlamented] Father moved us to South Dakota 30 years ago to work in the Hormel meatpacking plant. I can hardly wait."
You have no choice but to take her with you.
You then spend the weekend trying to stage-manage the house party so your Mom won't find out what the deal is.
One of your share partners is a wealthy aging drag queen whom your mother mistakenly assumes is a real woman of her own age (your mom is very nearsighted and too vain to wear her glasses, and contacts hurt her eyes).
Your mother is at first oblivious until your stage managing starts to fall apart just about the time everybody heads off to Tea Dance.
[Maybe an opportunity for some door-slamming comedy as you try to keep everybody separate.
Your Mother has started to get suspicious - she went into the bathroom at the wrong moment and almost catches you and your boyfriend in a clinch, for example.]
You tell your mother you're going to a party, but you'll be back soon - she wouldn't like the party anyway, you tell her - "too many people" - and off you go.
But she decides to follow you ...

[She gets lost in the Meatrack?? You take it from there]

Denouement:

Eventually your Mom figures it all out [final revelation occurs when she walks in on the aging queen to borrow some pearls, and he's totally naked ...]

Realizing that true love transcends plumbing [She's gotten to like the old queen so much, that she decides to come back to NY from SD and move in with him.], she's reconciled to you as well.

Finis.

Mark in DE said...

Your book finally came in the mail yesterday! It was $19.99 plus shipping, so I better f'ing love it!

Mark :-)

sharon said...

re: story

They find a suitcase filled with money washed up on the shore.

someone find a stash of super-straight porn (like Juggs) hidden one of the other's luggage.

one is obsessed with overseas adoption.

a stranger shows up, a 17-yr-old girl who claims to be a runaway... one of the guys gets spooked--she bears a striking resemblance to his sister (twin?), who died when they were both very young.