Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Fire Island Meat Rack-eteers!

For those who don't know, Fire Island consists of two gay communities which lie not far from one another: The Pines, and Cherry Grove.

The Pines is where the muscle boys are. Cherry Grove is older, has more lesbians, and you may actually spot a minority or two. To get from one place to the other, you simply take a water taxi.

I've nothing against the Pines. It's where all my friends stay. But this season, Cherry Grove has been throwing better parties which has taken lots Pines boys over there, by night. The Pines owners have been losing business, so in an insidious move to strangle free commerce, they (you know who you are) succeeded efforts to ban the night water taxis to and from Cherry Grove.

All this because they can't throw a better party.

There is another way between the communities. You can walk through the forest wonderland. The woods which lie between Cherry Grove and the Pines are affectionately called the "Meat Rack", named for a frisky breed of homosexuals who hunt by cover of night. The Meat Rack is dark and vast and easy to get lost.

Party promoter Daniel Nardicio was throwing another of his popular Panty Parties in Cherry Grove this Friday with an amazing line-up of burlesque stars and drag queens. In order to get Pines boys who wanted to come to the show, but who wouldn't otherwise slog through the meat rack alone, he advertised a "Meat Racket March" featuring porn stars and a band.

At one point, he asked our friend Danny, "If I rent a tuba, could you learn to play it by Friday?"

Sure, and next week--the bassoon!

Then he asked me if I'd be a "Meat Racket Marshall"...perhaps because over the years, I've explored every inch of the meat rack. I've got a topographical map in my head. Of course I went out. Mainly because I really can't stand this attitude by those in this community (and the world) who believe there's not enough to go around.

The idea of scarcity. It turns people into assholes. Or maybe it's assholes who operate on platforms of scare-city.

Cutting off water taxi access wasn't nasty enough. When they heard of our plans for a meat racket march, the same owners plastered the Pines with this mean-spirited poster:

"Forget the fuglies in the Grove"? A glowing example of our unified community.

On Friday, I helped lead the first ever Meat Racket March, consisting of one promoter, two porn stars (one, Owen Hawk, wearing nothing but a transparent garbage sack), a Playgirl model, one drag queen (out of drag), and a lesbian playing drums.

Fugly Pride
From Left to Right (Jesse Archer wears his official meat racket marshall t-shirt!, Owen Hawk, Daniel Nardicio, Myles, drummer Jesse, Epiphany, and the torso-licious Victor Steele)

At the Pines harbor, we collected about 25 partiers, despite the rain.

And then marched them through the meat rack. One Pines resident handed out cocktail refreshments for our slog.

Back at the Ice Palace, the panty party featured out of this world performances by Porsche, Wendy Ho, Rose Wood, Dirty Martini, and drag queen Violet Temper who did an aquatic number in the pool at 2 am. Yes, in full drag. Swimming.

More on the night from Bruce Michael Gelbert at Fire Island Q News!


Shane said...

omfg, I laughed so fucking hard at this post

p.s. Jesse you can rape me anytime of the day babeh k :P

Anonymous said...

You've got to fight for your right to PARTY!!

Margot Leadbetter said...

A Unified Gay Community would be too dull.

That's why we loved it when Linda Evans and Joan Collins used to go at it Hammer & Tongs, shoulder pads and hair extensions flying off in all directions.

I imagine, after a humid Summer night running about in that plastic coat, that Owen Hawk's testicles must have smelled rather, em, ripe.


Jesse Archer said...

Shane, doll, I'll only rape you once you're married! ;)

Margot, you may be right. I mean the part about flying shoulder pads. As to Owen, that garbage sack got ripped off of him before it got too ripe...

Derek said...

Forget the Fuglies in the Grove? I'm seriously rolling with laughter!! What has the Pines come to since I left NYC? HAHA