Monday, July 14, 2008

Pier Dance 2008

The Pier Dance is always one of the best parties of the year. It happens right after the Pride parade. Looks like I forgot to wash off all the makeup.

Ok, so maybe I left the guyliner on purpose!

Right over the Hudson, a light breeze, the Manhattan Skyline from light to dark, hot men, and a superstar surprise performer.

Things heated up when Miss Global Warming and Hunta Fowl showed up still in full drag!
Hunta's arms back, mouth wide-open pose is the only one in her arsenal. She explained she was doing it "for the eagle" on top of her head.

This pose is also the reason that the only thing left in Hunta's purse at the end of the night was the nub of a red lipstick. She lost everything at the pier dance: money, credit card, blackberry.

And guess what? Some good gay Samaritan mailed it all back to her!

It's always my birthday around the Pier Dance, so I hopped onto Bam Bam's shoulders and all my friends sang "Happy Birthday" above the House music.

Everything at the Pier Dance was pitch perfect...until the finale. Let me explain:

The surprise performer was Jennifer Hudson. We're all very happy she was there for this One Night Only! She got up and sang a song that everyone seemed to know, and I'm like "What is that song? Why do you all know it?!" And some queen yells out, "It's from Sex and the City movie." Oh. I had already forgotten that movie.

It dawned on me that Jennifer Hudson was in that movie...her only purpose being to drop a keychain with the word "Love" that Carrie would (ba-da-bing!) realize is the password to all Big's secret lovey dovey, please-forgive-me email. Was this Sex and the City or Scooby Doo? (Why, Scoob--it's old man withers! And the password is love!)

Jennifer then busted into "...And I am telling You" which everyone went wild for, especially because the girl can sing. Woo-hoo! But, and this is a huge BUT: this is an amped-up crowd, and she didn't bust into a dance remix.

I wasn't ready for bed!

She also failed to pop out of this fat suit.

Miss Hudson exited the Hudson river, and fireworks began way down off of Ellis Island somewhere. Everybody was wondering, "Is Jersey City having a centennial?" But then some tugboat dragged the show up our way, at which point the music just cut off. No more music? Huge letdown. I kept screaming, "Paging DJ Tracy Young! Back to your desk!!!"

Later, I spoke to DJ Tracy Young. She said the organizers stopped her set. Heritage of Pride wanted "A Cappella Fireworks."

Ok, A Cappella Fireworks might be the gayest thing I EVER heard, but for Gay Pride, I expect something else. Here's what could've happened:

Jennifer Hudson comes on. She sings a couple of slow ones, and then "..And I am telling you." Only in the middle of the song, the DJ helps her out. Jennifer whips off the fat suit, busts into the dance remix, just as ten male and female dancers twirl onto stage in a knockout routine.

The crowd goes absolutely insane!!!

Miss Hudson finishes just as the first fireworks blast off at the end of the pier, and the DJ plays a major gay anthem like "I am what I am," "Over the Rainbow," or some Donna Summer disco. That's Gay Pride!

I can see a cappella fireworks on a picnic blanket at the Idaho state fair.


Vicky K. said...

I didn't know it was your birthday!
Happy birthday!!!
The Pier Dance 2008 looks awesome. Wish I would have been there.
Will you take me next year?
I can't get enough of my gays.

Thanks for coming last night!!!!
I had so much fun. Let's go out soon.


Jake said...

From your admirer at Heritage of Pride: Rumors, rumors. The fireworks folk were very late coming up the river -- that's why they started so far away. We have no control over when the music ends -- the city decides and tells us to shut off the music.

Would we have liked things to worked better? Of course? We would like the dance to go on longer? You bet.

Just try telling that to the folks who have very expensive apts. on the river.

And guess who the city listens to?

Jesse Archer said...

Hi Jake--

Thanks for the clarification! Glad to know a capella fireworks were not the intention... I said, Pier Dance is one of the best parties of the year. Keep up the good work!

And to people with expensive apts on the river---booooo!!


Mark in DE said...

YOU should have been the event organizer. Your plan sounds MUCH better.

Mark :-)

You said...

Meanwhile, if we're rewriting the pier dance, how about if we have Jennifer Hudson actually sing instead of lip-sync? I was right up front because my friends had me convinced Madonna was gonna be the surprise guest, and that girl was NOT singing!

landis smithers said...

you are tooooo funny, pretty boy.

my bday's today,
so happy happy fellow cancerian.

besos to you and yours.