Friday, July 18, 2008

Latina-Licious!

I found myself on Wall Street the other day and decided to walk home through Chinatown. I never miss an opportunity to walk through Chinatown. Forget Canal Street, it should be razed, but the gritty, grimy, real heart of Chinatown is a different story. It is alive.

Walking uptown, I just barely dip into the southernmost point of Chinatown when a Latina woman with a stroller catches my eye. She's standing beside a housing project, and she compliments my boots. Then asks, "Can you tell me how to get to the 6 train?"

"Let me think," I stammer, because I'm a little bit lost in lower Manhattan. Then I notice her kid. He's maybe 3 and has big wild eyes, and when he smiles I see his front teeth are all rotted out. How many lollipops does it take to rot out a set of baby teeth?

I tell her how I think she should go to get to the 6 train. "It's in this direction, at the end of the Brooklyn Bridge." "Near City Hall?" "Yes," I tell her, "next to City Hall."

La latina smiles and signals the housing project behind us. "We just moved to the area," she says, adding, "You have very pretty eyes."

Suddenly I realize she knows exactly where the 6 train is. She isn't looking for directions at all. This bitch wants to fuck me!

I smile and scurry off, a little shocked and embarrassed. I haven't been hit on by a woman in years. I kind of liked it.

7 comments:

Charles said...

WOW Jesse you manage to belittle her as a woman, her ethnic background, her economic potential/status and her child rearing ability but you are able to ascertain that you are being hit on.

Also make sure that your fabulous boots are mentioned (please post a picture of the footwear), while you declare proudly of your inability to maneuver through lower Manhattan with "those" types is mentioned.

You are a classless act.

Jesse Archer said...

Charles, I was actually trying to help her out.

And "Classless"? Class never held much stock for me. Maybe that's why I was so much more comfortable in her presence than I would be in yours.

avery said...

Well, there went a perfect opportunity to become her next baby daddy and help contribute to the exploding birth rate.

I don't know Jesse, you're just not doing your part in the destruction of this country...




And Charles, I have an extra tampon if you need it.

Edina Monsoon said...

That was a classless comment. I don't see how Jessie was belittling her, unless it's because of her taste in Men ;-)

When I was a closet straight, I dreaded being hit on by women. Now that I'm out, I miss it. I feel like I've come an "obvious" flamer.

You said...

Ok, at first I was gonna say, "Haha! I wouldn't have even realized that she was hitting on me!" but now I have something else to say. In the form of a rhetorical question, of course.

When people so obviously don't like you, then why on earth would they take precious time out of their day to read your blog?? Don't they have better things to do?

Meanwhile, I'd love to read Charles's classy blog. Oh, that's right. He doesn't have one...

Mark in DE said...

I'm afraid I wouldn't even have realized she was hitting on me. I mean, I have no experience in being hit on. Fortunately you are a savvy New Yorker who can smell a hustle.

Mark :-)

Anonymous said...

ok... was a stripper for women for 14 years.... usually they follow a line like that with a more direct "to the point" suggestion.... did that happen? If it didn't,,, perhaps she was truly giving you a compliment,, Jesse, you do have wonderful eyes!

stephen m.