Monday, March 10, 2008

How not-to teach your wife a lesson

Went for a sunset picnic on Mrs. MacQuarrie's point, near Mrs. MacQuarie's chair (carved by convicts!) even though Mrs. MacQuarie died long before she would've had this view: My new friends, Lisa and Lee (a married couple), came to the point with a fantastic picnic.

They had just been lawn-bowling. You'd think lawn-bowling isn't performed by anyone under 65 in any place besides a Floridian town beginning with Palm...but alas, lawn bowling is huge here in Sydney. Mainly, I hear, because the younger people go and do it drunk.

Lisa (right) began drinking at Lawn-Bowling.

Lee (standing, left) watches Lisa (right) set up a fantastic spread: an array ricotta, wine, bread, bell peppers (capsicum), rocket (a type of lettuce), tomatoes, wine and tons of champagne!

Another exciting aspect about Australia, is that you can drink not only at lawn-bowling, but in public parks as well. At the picnic, Lisa only got drunker. When the sun set on the gorgeous scene above, Lee drove Lisa home.

On the way, she was happily bouncing around in the car and leaning out the window and playing the drunken fool. Lee told her to stop, but like a wild maniacal child she kept on. Finally, he screeched the car to a halt. "You drive," he insisted. "I want you to see what it's like to drive in a car with a drunken buffoon!"

So Lisa drove, and Lee taught her a lesson. He acted up loud and obnoxious, playing every bit the drunken buffoon. He bounced around, screaming and laughing, and leaning out the window like a madman--just as Lisa drove past the police.

She spent the night in jail.

8 comments:

damedaxx said...

And what happened to Lee? He is wearing flip-flops and drinking wine out of the bottle. That's just wrong.

PS I passed Chelsea Clearview Cinema today and it has a big poster of you (sober and smiling smugly). Apparently "A Four Letter Word" is showing there exclusively later this month. Sounds like a wine-and-flip-flops kind of night.

Jesse Archer said...

oh doll, yes. There's actually a drag screening at 10:15 opening night 3/28. Hope you can dress up and make it ;)

Anonymous said...

now that is funny!

Dtown Sal said...

All she got was a night in jail? A slap on the wrist!

P.S. I've been on hiatus but it's so good to be back and reading your posts again.

samael7 said...

I'm thoroughly enjoying your Australia posts. I spend about five months in Oz in 2001 in the halcyon pre-9-11 days. Hearing about your Sydney trips to Taronga Zoo, Mrs. MacQuarrie's chair, Oxford Street, and all is bringing back great memories.

I also remember wondering at first what the heck capsicum and rocket were. There was a place in Pott's Point, the Pig and Whistle, that did carmelized onion, gorgonzola, and rocket thin crust pizzas. That's where I learned to my delicious satisfaction that rocket was a kind of arugula.

I managed to stay out of jail, though. Yikes.

Jesse Archer said...

Oh yes, and another one is they call cantaloupe "rock melon." And taking a piss is a "slash" language is fun like that. Thanks for reading!

Oh, yeah Sal--Lisa also lost her license.

damedaxx said...

Joanna Lumley as Patsy Stone in "AbFab" used to say Slash.

As in "Eds, I need a slash."

Though she did her slashes standing up.

Jesse said...

That's because Patsy Stone was a drag queen ;)