Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Puggles and Wombats

Hit the Taronga Zoo yesterday.
It's all about lifestyle in Sydney. Even the giraffes enjoy full city views.

The Echidna is an egg-laying mammal (ok!) You should see the way this thing wobbles as it walks.

I spent lots of time at the zoo with a volunteer named Helen who manned her own booth. She stood surrounded by a treasure trove of taxidermied bandicoots, sugar gliders and various other fauna. Helen is a wealth of information.

The first thing she picked up to show me was a tiny dead little platypus. You’d think a platypus is bigger than it really is, which is only about the length of my forearm. So I thought hers was a baby platypus. "Oh no, this isn't a puggle," she replied. A puggle?

"Baby platypuses are called puggles," explained Helen. I told you she was a wealth of information.

Helen then moved on to the wombat. I thought wombats were more round and cuddly than the long stuffed animal she's got, and Helen admits hers is a bit distended. The taxidermist created a sort of "stretch" version of a wombat.

The wombat is a digger. It loves to dig big burrows and its sole way to fend off predators is with an ass of steel. Helen claims that many a dead dog has been found crushed to death in a wombat burrow, killed by that rock hard ass. “But Helen,” I ask. “How does a wombat wield its ass…as a weapon?”

Here Helen is a bit stumped, so I prod further. “Could you demonstrate that maneuver for me?”

"I might try," answers Helen, "If my bottom were as rock hard as that of a wombat." At this point, Helen raps her fist against the rump of the stuffed wombat. “Feel how hard, like a rock!”

As Helen spanks the wombat, you can see a stuffed dingo is attempting to suckle her right breast, which is perfectly understandable given Helen’s nurturing qualities.

She had me at puggle.


Bob said...

Is spanking a wombat the Australian version of spanking the monkey?

Tony said...

Wombat - new euphemism for "hard-ass?"
Puggle - a new endearment? As in "Puggle Dear?"
Loved the Zoology lesson.