Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Britney's Big Boy

All the hounding of Britney Spears has reached a critical stage, like I fear for her life. I really do. So it is with misgivings that I share the following story...

I recently spoke with my friend Michael whose brother bought the Malibu home of Britney Spears. Michael's actually now staying in the guest house on the property. He tells me that after Britney's home was sold and closed...she refused to move out.

Essentially they had to take her to evict her from her own house. I have no idea how it didn't make the papers.

When Britney was finally forced out, she took basically nothing with her. Apparently she packed a suitcase, a couple lamps, and fled like a Kurdish refugee.

So Michael is left sifting through all sorts of Britney paraphernalia: hoodies, furniture, and his big find: Britney's dildo!

"You found Britney Spear's dildo?"

"Yes!" he says. No word on whether it'll end up on ebay.

"Where'd you find it? In her nightstand?"

" was in her walk-in closet," he laughs. "On the top shelf."

Strange place to keep a sex toy, I think. Not too handy.

"So....What'd it look like, is it big?" I ask.

"Oh man," says Michael. "The thing's like a missile."

Guess it couldn't fit it in the nightstand.


JPFreeman said...

What a treasure trove! I can't imagine being left to sift through a celebrity's belongings!

I call Bret Easton Ellis's loft in NYC!

Anonymous said...

Top shelf of the walk-in is where I keep mine. I have yet to have a need so powerful, sudden or intense or a state of impairment so debilitating that I couldn't walk the three feet or lift my arm to fetch it. I can, however, imagine you to have had both, Jessie. It's a new low even for you to attempt to degrade someone for where in the bedroom they keep their sex toys.

Jesse Archer said...

Dear Anonymous,

Who's degrading her? I only found it bizarre, I guess because I (yes, you're right), I want my oompa loompa right away!

Dame Daxx said...

I suppose you call that a Britney Spear.