Back to Blowjobs

And now, back to blow jobs. You may recall I was hired as a blow-job teacher. If you haven't read these informative posts, just follow the blow job label below to read-all-about-it. So, I was told by the boss of the whole racket that my schedule was too full. She said to call her back when virtually all my "evenings and weekends" were on-call for teaching blow job classes. All evenings and weekends?! And just where do I fit in my field research?

So that job prospect is not looking so promising. For many reasons. During my "training," she told me I had to mention to the ladies how to use lube, before we came to the blow jobs. Lube before blow job? Horse before cart? Um, yuck.

"We've got flavored lube," she tells me, "It's edible." Um, double yuck. Sensing my reaction, Blaire says I could tell the class that I personally preferred not to eat lube, but I must mention the delicious option of the edible lube...and why? Because they sell it on her website. So I see.

You may recall that Blaire claimed to be a "love expert" ---and I scanned her fingers and found no sign of a ring? Well, I've extracted here a few of the "techniques" she employs to give good head. I believe they provide telling clues as to why this "love expert" remains single:

1) The Ice Cream Cone: Lick the head, shaft, and balls like an ice cream cone. Taste, and enjoy!

2) The Bob & Weave: Put the penis in your mouth and wiggle your head back and forth while bobbing up and down.

3) Operation: Just like the childhood game, don't touch the sides! Open your mouth as wide as it will go, travel the length of the shaft. At the bottom, suck upwards letting out a nice POP when you've reached the top.

She's added....sound effects? There are others: the swirl, the hoover, the plunger. But you get the idea, right? It's like romper room down there. I understand she wants her clients to have "fun," but fun is not erotic--it's apples and oranges, people. If you want oranges, go down and be serious about it. Want apples? Get someone desperate, preferably a virgin. Any self-respecting man will lose his erection with a woman down there wiggling back and forth and bobbing and popping and...licking (!?) It's not a gobstopper.

Are these tips for how to give a man pleasure? Or how to make your man go gay? The last homework I had was to go to sit in the sex section of a Barnes & Noble and soak up new, innovative ideas. "You know," she says perky, "Like giving head with marshmallows in your mouth!"

Marshmallows?! That actually is published somewhere? A naughty game of fluffy bunny?

Trix are for kids.