Friday, July 06, 2007

Keeping it Simple

Every so often I find myself having to do the darndest things to earn a little cash. Most recently, I've been bartending on the side--at a bar way up north of Chelsea and below Hell's Kitchen. It's an area referred to as "Hellsea" or maybe "Chelsea Heights." I prefer to call it "No Man's Land."

If you do come into the bar, and I'm serving, please don't expect anything too fancy. Last time I worked the bar, someone came in and ordered a Margarita. Big mistake. I started pouring and shaking-- completely having forgot what's in a Margarita. Sour Mix? Triple Sec? Vermouth? I just figure, if there's enough Tequila they won't care.

Another person ordered a Long Island Ice-Tea. I know that a Long Island Ice Tea is just a big concoction that the alcoholics drink, so I poured everything into it: rum, gin, tequila, vodka, whiskey, soda. When I topped it off with beer, the customer asked what I was doing. "It's my signature Long Island Ice Tea," I told him. Sure enough, he drank it down. Alcoholic.

Then some kid comes in and orders a "Surfer on Acid." A what? "A surfer on Acid." I think maybe he is a surfer on acid, but he tells me it was a drink. "What's that?" I ask him. "I don't know exactly," he says, "I thought you would." Right. He has mistaken me for a bartender.

He begins to explain some of the ingredients and what it tastes like because he really wants this surfer on acid. I really don't want to know this surfer on acid, so to get him off my back (because that is my main goal: get them AWAY from me--I'm that lazy), I came up with a curious solution. "If you order a vodka cranberry," I tell him. "I'll give it to you for free."

Yes, I mixed a cocktail of bad customer service and good public relations. And It was very effective. Big tip, too.

I'm working again tonight. So if you're in the neighborhood, and happen to pop by, order something really funky. It'll be a vodka cranberry on the house.


Javier said...

: / Where in No Man's Land is this bar of yours? I don't think the owners should worry about the free drinks you're giving to the customers - they should sweat about all the alcohol going down YOUR throat!

mich lyon said...

dearest -

if you need to know whats in a drink ask a drunk (that would be me).

surfer on acid:

1 oz Jagermeister
1 oz Malibu coconut rum
1 oz pineapple juice

long island ice tea:

1 oz vodka
1 oz tequila
1 oz rum
1 oz gin
1 oz triple sec
1.5 oz sweet and sour mix
splash Coca-Cola

mix one up for me . . .

Anonymous said...

so you are the guy that gave me that awful long island tea! it was the worst,, no , i am not an alcoholic,, just thought if i drank it, i would somehow have a chance to get to know you...

Jason said...

OOOoOOOoO, SUPER FUN! I hope you are working Friday, Aug. 10.