Friday, June 15, 2007

Dream Job Update

Those of you who regularly read this blog may remember my phone audition to become a Blow-Job Educator, and all the excitement that went with that...especially when I discovered the girls in class would be simulating fellatio on CARROTS.

So.... guess who got the job?! I went for my in-person interview and the woman, Blaire, made me perform my 3 hand techniques and 3 oral techniques right in front of her. I didn't get a dildo to use, neither did she provide me with a carrot. Blaire made me go at it right on a small size Poland Springs water the middle of a crowded restaurant. Of course my only qualm was: why the small-size bottle? Can you please show some respect and get me the jumbo? You're dealing with a professional, here.

So she said I was hired, and now I needed training. Training? Yeah, she said, and they'd have to get me an anatomy chart. I'm wondering about that one. What does a gall bladder have to do with a blow job? Anatomy? Really. This is what we call too much information. It's more feeling, more preternatural passion, less...anatomy chart. Anyway, soon I'll be on my own, educating bachelorettes and other private female students on the art of cocksucking.

Blaire tells me her company has many such classes, but that they are not intended to "keep your man," but rather to educate, to give pleasure. "I'm a love expert," she says. And then she goes on about how you can't "keep" your man. That it either works, or it doesn't.

At this juncture, I'm distracted. A love expert? What the hell is a love expert? "Did you go to school for that?" I ask her, and she says yes, she studied human relations, but she was born to be a love expert. I'm looking, I'm looking at her left hand. There is NO RING on her left hand. She has a little explaining to do.

To put it in terms of the interview -- a love expert without a ring? That's like a blow job with teeth.


mich lyon said...

Since I began reading your blog – I have noticed a re-occurring theme around the art/issue/delivery of a blow-job. After your latest entry I am certain that you represent a new evolutionary step in the provision of the perfect blow-job.

Many have improved delivery of a blow-job by suppressing their gag reflex and breathing through their nose when the subject cock is not obstructing their windpipes.

In your case it seems that either you can breath through your ears or have a blow-hole (a hole used for breathing when your throat is obstructed) in the back of your head allowing you to breath comfortably with a cock crammed down your esophagus.

You are the new evolutionary step forward . . . the dolphin-boy.

yet another black guy said...

i thought a toothless blowjob would be better. time to do some research as i have no empirical date to back this up though.

Jason said...

Making this opportunity known may open you up to a lot of unsolicited attention, ala: "Oh, you're a blow job instructor? Care to give a demonstration?"

That was my first thought, at least.

Christie said...

Baby! You PROMISED me some tips and tricks on giving perfect head! I am damned good at it, but if there's something Im not doing that would catch him off guard, then I am up for learning that! Techniques sweetie techniques!

Javier said...

Yeah, Jesse! How about a posting on Blow Job tips? And can we get a third party endorsement?