Friday, June 08, 2007

Nature's Viagra

Ok, we're back to animal fetish. The hospitality Coordinator from Q Festival in Fort Worth, Stuart, has an unlikely conversation piece hanging around his neck. Asked what it was, he tells me it's a Beaver penis bone. Naturally, I give him credit. He has a wild imagination.

Stuart goes on to say that his friend takes a big tupperware full of small mammal penis bones to the bar. If he makes a friend, he'll remove one, drill it, and throw it around their necks like a Fort Worth Lei. Penis bones in tupperwares? Is this a not-so urban myth? A Texan tall-tale?

Mammals don't have bones in their PENISES. Or do they? After a quick (and immediate) search on the web, I discover that many mammals actually put the bone in the boner.

Texan fashion: the hillbilly toothpick.


This sensible cast includes raccoons, bison, and (for you size-queens) the biggest of all--the 30 inch boner of a walrus (gotta get around that blubber one way or another!). You can find them here, on skullsunlimited.

There's a scientific name for these charms: Baculum. However, for those of us on the brink, let's use the local slang- the hillbilly toothpick.
As in:

"Jarvis, I got this doggone corn stuck in me teeth."

"Never fear, Beulah-Belle. I just treed a coon out back. Lemme plum shoot him down and bring you back a hillbilly toothpick!"

"Fiddleedee, Jarvis...chivalry ain't dead!"

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