Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Kicked to the Curb

I keep getting kicked out of clubs. It's gotten to the same point as getting fired from all my jobs--after a while you sort of accept it, make it your own, and revel in it. And so I proudly announce: I got kicked out of my first club in Miami Beach. On my first night!

Being a Tuesday, I headed to Twist. It's this multi-level, rather dumpy gay bar right on Collins. There's a separate back bar, and on a Tuesday it was the only room with anybody in there. Mainly because there were several "dancers" on go-go boxes. Of course they're all hustlers.

I made friends with one old guy at the bar, Lorenzo. And one of the dancers came over to us, and I said "Show us your dick," which he did. It was meaty. Then I said, "How much to suck it?" And he says "$200." This actually offended me. "I'm way too young," I said, and 70 year old Lorenzo says, "Even at MY age, I wouldn't pay more than $20 to suck it." Then the dancer asked for a tip, we both declined him, and he shrugged off.

Lorenzo and I were laughing, having a good old time, and he kept buying me shots of jager. We watched one "dancer" on the box who wore a g-string with a long elephantesque pouch in front. You always wonder: is that thing stuffed? Is there some kind of penile prosthetic going on? At Lorenzo's urging, I went and yanked it. It didn't fall off.

Then a big guy with a wall-eye comes over "You can't touch the dancers," he yells at me and I look him right and the eye. "Can't? I just did."

Then he calls two security guards over to kick me out! So I start yelling, "Just because you've got a wall-eye, doesn't mean you can kick people out!!!" But he did. I got kicked right out of Twist, screaming adios to my buddy Lorenzo as they muscled me out.


mich lyon said...

such is life when you travel to foreign countries.

Javier said...

Don't feel bad. Miami Beach is real big on tossing people out of clubs. I figure it's because they have all kinds of hard core gay crazies down there ready to start biting off people's ears. I was tossed out of one on Lincoln Road a few years ago - one of two places from which I've been booted. Some people just don't understand the urgency of a bj.