Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Kicked to the Curb

I keep getting kicked out of clubs. It's gotten to the same point as getting fired from all my jobs--after a while you sort of accept it, make it your own, and revel in it. And so I proudly announce: I got kicked out of my first club in Miami Beach. On my first night!

Being a Tuesday, I headed to Twist. It's this multi-level, rather dumpy gay bar right on Collins. There's a separate back bar, and on a Tuesday it was the only room with anybody in there. Mainly because there were several "dancers" on go-go boxes. Of course they're all hustlers.

I made friends with one old guy at the bar, Lorenzo. And one of the dancers came over to us, and I said "Show us your dick," which he did. It was meaty. Then I said, "How much to suck it?" And he says "$200." This actually offended me. "I'm way too young," I said, and 70 year old Lorenzo says, "Even at MY age, I wouldn't pay more than $20 to suck it." Then the dancer asked for a tip, we both declined him, and he shrugged off.

Lorenzo and I were laughing, having a good old time, and he kept buying me shots of jager. We watched one "dancer" on the box who wore a g-string with a long elephantesque pouch in front. You always wonder: is that thing stuffed? Is there some kind of penile prosthetic going on? At Lorenzo's urging, I went and yanked it. It didn't fall off.

Then a big guy with a wall-eye comes over "You can't touch the dancers," he yells at me and I look him right and the eye. "Can't? I just did."

Then he calls two security guards over to kick me out! So I start yelling, "Just because you've got a wall-eye, doesn't mean you can kick people out!!!" But he did. I got kicked right out of Twist, screaming adios to my buddy Lorenzo as they muscled me out.

2 comments:

mich lyon said...

such is life when you travel to foreign countries.

Javier said...

Don't feel bad. Miami Beach is real big on tossing people out of clubs. I figure it's because they have all kinds of hard core gay crazies down there ready to start biting off people's ears. I was tossed out of one on Lincoln Road a few years ago - one of two places from which I've been booted. Some people just don't understand the urgency of a bj.