Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Better than Crack!

Back in the mid-nineties, I used to pick up "Mini-Thins" from 7-Eleven, or any corner market- They were a mega-mix of ephedra with caffeine. They came six pills to a pack, and with 1 of them you'd be up for hours. I hated working at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills, but after popping a couple of Mini-Thins, I truly enjoyed serving guests at the pool. I gave big gleaming smiles while suggesting, "How about an amenity with that?"

Truckers loved them too, because with a few mini-thins, you could drive from Omaha to Ottawa without ever having to stop. These puppies were as effective as methamphetamine, only much, much cheaper (and that's saying something). Mini-Thins cost only only .99 cents! For six! Those were the days.

Ephedra packs such a punch that inevitably the FDA fumed righteous with envy. Some wimpy weak-hearted baseball pitcher died from it, and he took the rest of us down with him. Ephedra was banned, and Mini-Thins disappeared off the shelves. I haven't enjoyed a day of work since. Not a day.

So imagine my thrill when rummaging through some old college stuff that I found, lo and behold, an unused pack of Mini-Thins?! Blessed treasure. My whole body railed with fond memories: The energy, the feel-good jitters, the thrilling sensation of crack on the cheap. Mini-Thins!


Mini-Thins are like twinkies and Cher:
there is no expiration date.


This packet, I determined lastnight, was from 1997. It's been a decade - they must be expired. So just to find out, I popped one in my mouth. How about another...for old times sake.

Folks, I didn't sleep one wink all night.

4 comments:

Eddie said...

That's hysterical! I remember a trip to NYC with friends, oh, maybe about 1985. I had packs of Mini-Thins that I doled out in pairs to everyone every three hours at Sound Factory and other haunts. Ah memories!

Anonymous said...

Try the new McDonalds bold coffee - two cups of that and I'm up for hours!!

Allen R said...

They still sell these, just saw them yesterday at a convienence store.

Jesse Archer said...

Where? Which state? Are they still the same caliber/made from the same healthy ingredients?...do tell